


Flame and the Beast

by MillarcaGreen



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Animals, Black Eagle Marianne, Depression, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pre-Time Skip, Slight AU for the way Golden Deers treat Marianne, Slow Burn, spoilers for Crimson Flower
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22591057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MillarcaGreen/pseuds/MillarcaGreen
Summary: Marianne doesn’t dream of the future, doesn’t even think about it, for her life is doomed. Edelgard does, but her path is destined to be grim, and just like her history, rooted in blood. Unless a beast finds a flame.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 37
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Garland Moon, 1180**

For once, students from each of the three houses blend in the same classroom. A special lecture about crestology is a unique opportunity even though it is attended by only a small, interested group. Professor Byleth is there too, not teaching but sat at the back of the room, hoping to learn more about herself. 

At one point, professor Hanneman stops speaking and scans the room, mentally counting the students before declaring: 

“Now as we are a small group, I will ask each one of you to manifest their crest, to illustrate my explanations.”

As soon as he finishes his sentence, two boys promptly rise from their respective chairs, sticking out their chest while sending each other defiant looks. 

“Allow me to show my crest of Gloucester, professor,” the purple-haired noble declares quickly, beating a frustrated Ferdinand. 

The room is lit by a sharp glow in Lorenz’s palm, soon followed by demonstrations of the crests of Charon, Cichol, and Cethleann.

After Ferdinand and Linhardt, Hanneman turns to the remaining Black Eagle in the room, “Could you please share that majestic crest of Seiros with us, Miss von Hresvelg ?”

“Of course, professor,” the Adrestian heir complies, aware of the class’ astonishment, and slightly proud.

The Blue Lions, by far the more numerous to bear crests, appear to be the last and they execute the task one after the other. But at the end of Mercedes’ conjuration of the crest of Lamine, silence fills the room, its occupants slowly realizing that someone has yet to demonstrate. 

“Miss Von Edmund ?”

Next to Lysithea, Marianne is startled by the teacher's voice and her hands start shaking as she lowers her head to avoid staring looks. Why did she come here in the first place ? She knew her crest had to remain a secret.

From her seat, Edelgard swears she can see tears swelling in her eyes, even though she does not have time to ponder, as Marianne abruptly rises from her chair, almost knocking her table over. With a strangled apology, she flees the classroom, without anyone attempting to help her. 

After several awkward minutes, Hanneman resumes his lecture, but the audience barely listens. A smirk crosses Linhardt's face and he whispers to an oblivious Byleth beside him, "She certainly has issues with her crest, it's unusual. If I could study it, it would maybe lead to scientific advances in Crest research," to convince her he quickly added, "It would be a great asset in battle as well."

Professor Byleth frowns but spends the rest of the class considering his request.

* * *

Strangely filled with sympathy towards the girl from another house, whom she has barely talked, Edelgard decides to search for Marianne. The breakdown was obviously not only due to her dreading to stand in front of a class. It may be presumptuous but Edelgard senses that she must have suffered a great deal to refuse to show her crest, and a small part of her wonders if perhaps Marianne has endured the same horrors as her.

She finally finds her an hour later, sat on a bench in an unoccupied corner of the monastery, her head in her hands. Edelgard tries to approach the melancholic figure gently, while making sure to make her presence known, not wanting to startle Marianne even more. Marianne lifts her gaze to the intruder, it screams of despair though it fails to mask her surprise.

Softly, almost whispering, Edelgard begins :

"Marianne… I am sorry to bother you, I can see you're distressed. But I just want to let you know that I think I might understand you, and that I am here if you need me." 

But she doesn’t even hear Edelgard’s words, convinced she would only receive insults or contempt from someone so cold. 

“I know you’re here to make fun of me, b-but please leave me alone,” she stammers between strangled sobs. And before the lord could even open her mouth, Marianne abruptly stands and runs away for the second time that day. 

In mere seconds, a very perplexed Edelgard is left alone in the garden, wondering if she might have uncovered an obscure secret.

* * *

In the evening, she's cornered again and hopefully her mood has slightly improved. Another Black Eagle approaches her; she thinks his name is Linhardt but she never spoke to him, nor is she more familiar with the professor at his side. 

"Hello Marianne, you surely wish for this day to be over, but we would like to discuss something with you," he begins and Marianne has the feeling that he's not going to be tactful, "Your meltdown this morning led me to a rather fascinating conclusion," he pauses again, seemingly amused by the aura of mystery he creates.

"You bear a crest,” he pauses, “one you try to hide on top of that."

She cannot repress a shiver running down her spine, despite half of the monastery knowing she has a crest now. At least the remaining part of the story is still buried.

"Don't scare her Linhardt," Byleth intervenes, with a reassuring although professional tone, suitable for a good professor Marianne guesses, "He thinks you're struggling with it, so if you like, there is a place for you in the Black Eagles,” she’s being offered a place in a new house, really ? “In my house, you will not be judged or shamed, only encouraged to develop your true potential."

And she thought her breakdown would only inspire pity or disgust.

"Now we'll leave you to reflect on it."

She does. During the entire night. Initially, her instinct told her to refuse. Trying to fit in her own house was already hard enough, but the prospect of being transferred to a new one, with another professor and new classmates was just dreadful. Yet, she eventually convinced herself that it was still early in the year, she was not familiar with her own classmates either. _As if you could be, with those social skills,_ she mentally scolds herself. But to be honest, she supposes she has no ties with the Golden Deers, no reason to stay, beside the embarrassment of fitting in a new class. Which she would have to endure too, if she remained a deer.

Moreover, her discussion with Byleth seems to resonate in her, even though considering her pessimistic nature, she does not hope much. If she became a Black Eagle, Professor Byleth and the others would talk to her about her magic, make sure it improves and leave her in her corner for the remaining time. And it's fine, she’d keep her mouth shut and help them as much as she can in battle. They would just act like Claude.

But unlike him, they wouldn’t have a mocking smirk tugging at their lips each time Marianne displays discomfort or shame; well, at least that's what she assumes according to Byleth's statement. She wants to believe it. Turning in her bed for the hundredth time that night, Marianne realizes that she does not feel any safer staying in the Golden Deers. Of course, revealing the truth as soon as she enters the Black Eagles House is out of the question. Still, for a fleeting moment, she finds herself wishing that, perhaps with time, perhaps if she learns to trust them one day, she could share her burden with them.

No. Dreaming was useless, she did not deserve this fantasized future.

For now, and despite her fear, a more welcoming house in which she could learn without being laughed at, sounded greatly appealing.

It's settled; Before drifting off to sleep, Marianne promises herself she will find professor Byleth first thing in the morning to tell her she accepts her offer.

* * *

Edelgard is quite surprised to hear that Marianne is now one of her Eagles. Her confusion intensifies when she learns that Claude was the last person to know. Honestly, she never thought that reserved girl could hide a rebellious side.

The white-haired lord is no fool, she knows Byleth's and Linhardt's offer is not completely selfless. It's obvious they see Marianne's hidden potential as an advantage. But Marianne was quick to join her house anyway. _Claude is not such a good leader after all,_ she thinks, smirking to herself.

Her internal monologue is interrupted as she sees Marianne enter the Black Eagles classroom timidly. It's still early and they are the only students in the room, so Edelgard guesses it's the perfect time to give her some welcoming words without drawing too much attention. The last thing she wants is to scare the girl again.

"Hello Marianne," she rises from her seat to approach the former Golden Deer slowly, trying to ease her habitually tense posture to appear friendlier.

"Oh... Hello Edelgard. I wanted to come here early, " she explains with a soft voice and her head down.

"You like to come to class thirty minutes before it begins too, I see," Edelgard smiles slightly at the strange similarity. "Are you here to work ahead as well ?"

"Oh no, I didn't want to be late for my first class… a-and I-um... was afraid to see everyone's eyes on me when entering the classroom."

The confession is so typically Marianne, Edelgard thinks, even though she doesn't know her well yet. She seems interesting, and strangely, a small part of her is urging Edelgard to get to know her.

"Speaking of the others, I wanted to welcome you in the Black Eagles House. You may find some students a little impertinent at first, but I assure you they are all good-hearted."

Her words probably did not reassure Marianne but the latter still manages to whisper a thank you before taking a seat at the end of the classroom. 

* * *

It comes as no surprise that Marianne struggles to fit in during her first few days. Between Linhardt's intrusive questions and Caspar's impulsive personality, she feels quite anxious. However in the following weeks she appears to be slowly, cautiously, more at ease. It's a very different world ; curiously the students of this house don't come off as particularly socially apt as well. They’re not like her of course, but at least Marianne can see some similarities.

Apart from Dorothea and Ferdinand, the most outgoing ones, she notices how Petra's origin and struggles with the language must be a barrier to her integration.

Then small Bernadetta, similar to Marianne in the way their noble status seems to be concealed behind layers of awkwardness and self-hatred. She is also the first one who talked to her after their house leader, probably sensing an affinity between them.

Marianne also meet someone as quiet as her. Well, in fact Hubert can talk endlessly if Lady Edelgard's safety or orders are concerned. But otherwise, the sinister-looking man withdraws into a calculating, silent presence.

And Lady Edelgard, of course. A far cry from what Marianne imagined. Ambitious, determined and at times commanding, but not popular. Her name and legacy are well-know yes, but the lord is not one to be surrounded by people. She even seems shy for that matter, though her voice is always gentle when she speaks to her classmates.

Thus, Marianne comes to the conclusion that the Black Eagles are not the kind to blend in either, and they do not make her feel bad for it, like the carefree Golden Deers used to. She would never dare picturing herself as a nonconformist, but maybe, she could grow more comfortable around this kind of people. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edelmari (or Edelianne ?) needs some love with the potential of cuteness and similarities between the two.
> 
> Sorry for possible mistakes, as english is not my first language. And please, feel free to leave a comment :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for your kudos and comments !

**Blue Sea Moon, 1180**

The Black Eagles are training outside, under Professor Byleth's supervision. She has decided to split them into groups depending on their fighting style. Marianne finds herself with Dorothea since they are both instructed to improve their sword technique. She exchanges a sad smile with Bernadetta, whom she has become quite close for the past two months, but Marianne is not afraid ; if the other mage can be a little mischievous, she's never mean. 

After practicing on training dummies, they are told to face each other in a friendly duel. Hopefully they're using swords, not magic, or else her opponent might have been Hubert instead of Dorothea. It's still going to be difficult though, but at least she won't be targeted by the man’s threatening glare.

Dorothea and Marianne start to train and manage to avoid each other's blows until Marianne's eyes suddenly go wide. She feels a surge of raw power curse through her whole body, and watches her own blow cut her opponent's weapon in two with a supernatural force. Her hand glows with the devilish shape of the crest of the Beast, but is immediately hidden in a firm grasp, nails biting into her flesh.

Why can't this damned crest leave her alone, for just a moment ?

* * *

Alerted by Dorothea's painful scream, Edelgard looks behind her to find the former songstress on the floor, staring at her broken sword with shock while clutching her injured arm. In a heartbeat she runs to her friend’s side to inspect her arm, but her head turns to Marianne, who gasps and excuses herself before hurriedly exiting the training grounds.

"It's okay Edie, I can fix this with magic, I was just surprised," Dorothea assures her, already healing herself, and Edelgard gets up, eyes drawn to the direction Marianne took on her way out. 

She feels an urge to follow her. This time she is not going to let Marianne flee and cry alone. She is the house leader after all, it's her duty to take care of its members, nothing else.

Mere seconds after Marianne's departure and despite the lingering atmosphere of confusion, Edelgard ends her duel with Ferdinand by dropping her axe and rushes behind the blue-haired student.

* * *

"Marianne, please wait," Edelgard calls when she finally catches up with her. "Let's find a quiet place to talk, shall we ?"

With her head down, the former Golden Deer complies. Although still terrified, she knows the conversation cannot be avoided once more.

Edelgard leads them to the garden and the bench they seat on is located under a lovely tree with large leaves. At least the scenery is pleasant, Marianne guesses, and she feels a tiny bit more relaxed now that lavender eyes are the only ones on her, piercing as they may be.

"You should not be ashamed," Edelgard declares firmly, getting directly to the heart of the subject. Yet as soon as the words escape her lips, she blinks and realizes she skipped a few steps. "Let me rephrase it— I do not mean to pry but I won’t judge you for wishing to hide a side of your personality you don't want others to see."

Marianne hears her but still fiddles with her hands in her lap. Years of shame and guilt compel her to murmur frantically, "Sorry I— they can't see, they can't know anything… and I've hurt Dorothea !"

"Dorothea is perfectly fine. She's already forgotten that, I'm sure."

Oh, she hopes so.

Edelgard sighs but there is no exasperation there, she just seems to consider what she's about to say next. "Believe it or not Marianne but I know what it's like to keep things, or even a part of you secret."

Marianne raises her gaze to look at her, curious and slightly impressed. Her voice is still gentle but behind it, Marianne perceives some kind of… weight, one she cannot understand.

The other girl's head is down, long platinum strands falling to frame her face as she continues, "and you're afraid to lose control, for it might reveal everything."

She has no idea why Edelgard is telling her this or what it means. Perhaps is she pretending to feel the same in order to appease Marianne ? _It would be a weird way to empathize_ , Marianne realizes. Moreover, Edelgard actually seems to understand, she sounds so honest, but that's precisely the reason why it confuses her. It's strange to make this kind of confession considering they have talked only a few times.

"But you should not fear this part of you, nor should you carry it like a shameful burden." Edelgard stops looking at the ground to stare at Marianne intensely, meaning every word, "It can remain hidden for a while yes, but one day you'll learn to use it."

Marianne's first reaction is skepticism. It's hard to believe her crest could someday stop tormenting her, when she has felt like a beast her whole life. When Margrave Edmund made her swear to keep it a secret from every student and professor at Garreg Mach. When she knows her own curse has affected everyone around her and _will_ continue to do so.

Yet, Marianne appreciates Edelgard's attempt to reassure her—or rather encourage her. She's about to whisper her gratitude when she notices a small form on the grass behind the lord and her hands immediately come to her mouth.

"Oh ! It's so cute !"

Edelgard jumps at the sudden exclamation and quickly turns to the intruder with a frown. The culprit is a tiny squirrel walking near their bench. Marianne removes her hands and lifts her head pensively, "It must have been in the tree above us."

The house leader nods and observes her classmate curiously. "You love animals, I see."

"Yes very much…I know it's weird but I—um, like talking to them, I feel like they understand me," she admits timidly.

"It's not weird. What's wrong with it if it makes you feel better ?" Once again, Edelgard surprises her. The response is so sincere and the fond smile accompanying it strangely warms Marianne's heart.

"Nothing, I guess...Do you like them too ?"

"I do. Although, I'd rather say I appreciate nature in general. I'm particularly fond of reading outside, before a beautiful landscape," she sighs wistfully. "But alas, time is lacking at the academy."

"I used to do that too, back in Edmund," Marianne begins but suddenly interrupts her explanation to point at the squirrel approaching them. " Oh look!"

The small animal comes nearer and starts to fearlessly sniff their feet, neither of the two students makes a move to shoo it away while they continue to chat.

With the squirrel playing at her feet, the wind carrying the perfume of the nearby flowers, this whole conversation with Edelgard makes Marianne reconsider the previous events. For this strange moment in time she lets herself forget the incident and her face brightens in a genuine, relaxed way. As she looks at the girl beside her, she is relieved to see the same serenity and appeasement reflected on her pale features. 

* * *

The exchange elicits feelings Edelgard has long deemed forgotten— even irremediably lost— to someone like her. Therefore it is confusing, difficult for her to identify these sentiments. Was it peacefulness, relief, comfort... joy ? Maybe all at once.

With the horrors of Enbarr still plaguing her mind, Edelgard has always viewed herself as almost undeserving of feeling good— of _feeling_ at all, while her siblings never would.

Yet she did feel those foreign emotions throughout her time with Marianne. It is new...and strange, but pleasant, so perhaps she can allow it. Edelgard almost forgets the fact that the whole conversation was caused by a rather dramatic event at first. All she can think about is how Marianne's mood seemed to lighten up when they talked about nature and animals. And how amusing, even adorable she found it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Verdant Rain Moon, 1180**

Despite the incident with Dorothea during training, which led to countless apologies from Marianne, the Black Eagles remain friendly and welcoming. At her own pace, the new student grows more comfortable with them, much more than what she could have imagined if she had stayed in her former house.

Thanks to their conversation, the tension between Edelgard and Marianne also dissipates, and the lord feels an urge to get to know her a little better. At Professor Byleth's request, the Black Eagles leader is asked to give Marianne personal sword lessons for her to be able to defend herself in close combat. They meet twice a week on the training grounds for an hour, it is a good enough pace if she wants the girl to learn something, Edelgard thinks. Yet between lectures and schemes, it seems she has little time to truly spend with Marianne.

At least, that's what Edelgard tells herself, instead of admitting the knot in the pit of her stomach at the thought of approaching the person in question. She often spots her alone in the garden or in the library. Most of the time a sad frown adorns her face and more rarely she seems at ease, seemingly enjoying her privacy. Either way, Edelgard restrains herself, unsure of what they could talk about, or too afraid to disturb Marianne's fleeting moments of joy.

* * *

"Try to loosen your grip on the sword Marianne." If the words appear commanding, they do not sound like an order that at all. The tone of Edelgard's voice conveys only patience and kindness, while she stands beside her classmate to help her practice. Even though Marianne has become accustomed to hearing this gentleness from the lord, she is still grateful for it.

Lost in her thoughts, Marianne keeps her fist tight, the request clearly forgotten. She's abruptly awakened by the feeling of a gloved hand brushing her skin.

"I know it's difficult, but you need to relax." Softly, delicate fingers attempt to open hers, just enough to stop them from clutching the pommel. Marianne watches her own hand with surprise as it obeys Edelgard's.

"Okay... I’m sorry," Marianne replies under her breath, not daring to meet her gaze.

"There’s nothing to fear, no one to judge you."

_Oh, how does she always know what to tell me ?_

Edelgard speaks only inches from her ear but keeps a respectful distance, which Marianne appreciates, although she's very much aware of the warmth still perceptible on her hand. "Clutching your weapon like this might make your movements too stiff and it will definitely exhaust you."

As she withdraws her hand to let her try again, Marianne instantly misses the comforting touch. This new feeling is… quite disturbing but she does not dwell on it. Instead she focuses entirely on the sword and Edelgard's advice on repeat in her head. In addition to maintaining the loose yet firm hold her hand has been placed in, Marianne makes sure to relax her shoulders as much as possible.

She is determined to succeed. Seeing a disappointed look on the other girl's face would be unbearable. But most importantly, Marianne is determined to prevent Edelgard from believing she's ungrateful for her time and help. When she strikes the training dummy, she realizes the whole movement is indeed easier, even dares to find grace in her own gesture. After weeks of efforts it seems like she's finally improved and she strikes the dummy several times to prove how comfortable she’s becoming.

In a burst of enthusiasm, Marianne turns and faces Edelgard for the first time this morning. She's rewarded with an unusual and gorgeous grin that somehow makes her heart flutter.

"You see ? It's easier now, isn't it ?" Edelgard asks, the smile still gracing her features.

"Yes," Marianne answers excitedly, though her voice quickly becomes serious, "but it’s...it's foolish of me to be happy for achieving this when I should already master the skill, like you or Petra. I'll be useless in battl—"

"Marianne." The considerate call of her name has the power to stop her ramblings and the house leader continues, "You progress at your own pace, and you did well today. After all this hard work you can be proud of you."

The blue-haired student is hanging on Edelgard's words, fascinated by violet eyes sparkling with the very same pride she mentioned. 

"And you don't need to worry about battles, there's no competition in my house. My task is only to prevent you from being in danger in case you can't use spells." The lord stops there and casts her eyes to the side, appearing a little bashful as she ponders her next words. "Excelling in swordsmanship is unnecessary when you already are a remarkable mage. Your skills in magic surpass what Petra and I could ever dream of accomplishing."

At that, Marianne is certain her cheeks are burning, probably coated in a bright red hue, much more evident than the slight pink blush on Edelgard's face. Receiving compliments or even kind words is unusual. It's a little bit more frequent now that she knows Edelgard, but Marianne is still not used to it.

Unaware of how to answer this kind of praise, Marianne opts for expressing her gratitude instead. "I know you're quite busy but thank you for taking time to help me Edelgard... and for your patience."

Had it been any other activity than training Marianne would have refused the help. She would have run away at the prospect of someone so important choosing to spend her time with a sad girl like her. But her skills in combat were another matter. Her duty is to help and heal her allies, not to distract them with frightened screams every time an enemy comes too close. If Professor Byleth wants Marianne to defend herself, all she can do is learn and hope that she isn’t too much of a nuisance to her appointed teacher. 

"Well, you make it sound like we're done with your training," Edelgard replies with a small, reserved laugh, "but now that you mastered the posture, let's learn some sword techniques."

"Of course, what should I do ?"

* * *

With a sigh, she drops her quill on the table. Thankfully there's no one in the library this evening, not even Hubert. No one to see her holding her head in her hands in exasperation. Being unable to focus on her work is uncommon for Edelgard —it might even be the first time— and it is most irritating. She'd like to convince herself that it is due to the recent events concerning the sword of the Creator and how they _did not_ expect Professor Byleth to be able to wield it.

But she must admit that something much more embarrassing is troubling the terrifying Flame Emperor. For the past two hours, images of gentle brown eyes have been plaguing her, and memories of a sweet, shy chuckle have rendered her mortified, not to mention absolutely disconcerted.

Edelgard tried to suppress those intrusive thoughts at first, clearly refusing to understand them. Yet as they became more and more persistent, she eventually figured out the identity of the person her mind judged more interesting to focus on than her homework.

No, beginning to have feelings, albeit tiny, for Marianne is inconceivable. And she certainly can't let those feelings grow, knowing her future is bleak. The path she must follow is undeniably bloody, her goal too crucial to spare time in romance. Involving a pure soul like Marianne in it would just be cruel.

Edelgard's eyes are tight shut, her hands massaging her temples as she finally decides to stop ruminating. Spending time with Marianne is… lovely, but speculating on false hopes and their possible outcomes is useless. The heir of the Adrestian Empire must achieve her goal alone for she's not destined to live long anyway.

A thought suddenly comes to her mind, something she has omitted in her worries.

_I don't know if she even likes girls._

And Edelgard can't help chuckling to herself at the absurdity of the situation.

* * *

For once, Bernadetta has agreed to have lunch with Marianne. They returned from a mission the day before, one Marianne didn't take part in, but according to a note Bernadetta sent her, something terrible happened.

"It was awful Marianne ! Goddess, I never want to see this again, I-I still can't shake that image from my head, aaaargh !"

Bernadetta's scream echoes through the empty classroom and her fingernails quickly come to rest between her teeth.

"It's okay Bernadetta, you're not there anymore," Marianne stops eating to talk in the most reassuring tone she can muster. "Let's… um, let's explain the story from the beginning, perhaps that could help you ?"

The smaller girl's shoulders seem to relax a bit as she takes a deep breath. "A-as you know, we were asked to retrieve a relic stolen by the brother of a Blue Lion student." Her classmate nods attentively, encouraging her to go on, "Sylvain accompanied us to that creepy tower to face his brother Miklan. I knew something was wrong from the beginning !"

"What happened next ?" She couldn't contain her curiosity despite the unwillingness to rush Bernadetta.

"We were about to defeat Miklan, when he…turned into a monster !"

"What... What kind of monster ?"

"It's called a demonic beast, I think. I didn't even know such things existed, but Marianne, I swear it was terrifying," Bernadetta's voice becomes only a whisper, while she shakes her head frantically, "Just because he didn't have a crest."

Marianne feels her heart skip a beat in her chest. 

"W-what does it have to do with crests ?" Her voice betrays her anguish yet Bernadetta is too panicked to notice.

Bernadetta stops moving to explain somberly, "Apparently, trying to wield a relic without bearing the right crest transforms a person into a demonic beast."

Was it what happened to her ancestor Maurice ?

She's been told he became a monster long after fighting alongside Nemesis. It's no wonder her crest is called the Crest of the Beast if actual beasts are linked to crests.

_Does this mean I'll become a monster too ?_

Marianne rapidly feels as if air has been sucked out from her lungs, it's dizzying, overwhelming. Hopefully, Bernadetta is focused on her food again, and her sorrow goes unnoticed.

So she averts her gaze to the window, holding back tears already pricking the corner of her eyes. And at this moment, the only thing she wishes, strange as it may sound, is being with Edelgard. Not necessarily to talk, but just to have her at her side, to be in her presence, and to let its deep calming power soothe her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Horsebow Moon, 1180**

Little Flayn is missing. If she's been kidnapped, the reason why someone would mean harm to such an innocent and kind soul is still unknown. As the Knights and half the monastery are already investigating every evidence they can find, all there is to do is praying for her, Marianne thinks.

So students go back to their occupations. Like them, Marianne returns to her homework and —the words still sound foreign— meets up with her new friend again. 

But she knew this day would come. She knew from the moment she realized Edelgard was far less intimidating than Dorothea and Ferdinand. Not that she finds them mean or frightening —she even considers leaving a bouquet of violets on Dorothea's desk for her birthday — but they do tend to be a little nosy sometimes. Plus, she hasn't gotten as close to them as she has with Edelgard over the past few months.

Beside training lessons, Edelgard managed to convince her to see each other more often. First attempts had been difficult of course, with the blue-haired student running away with a 'please, forgive me'. Sometimes, she didn't flee right away and even had a great time, but she stayed only for a little while. Gradually, and thanks to Edelgard's never ending patience, Marianne grew more comfortable. The lord never pushed but, still gently, never abandoned either upon realizing that Marianne was indeed willing to spend time with her, only to be held back by something Edelgard couldn't comprehend.

It was appreciated. She talks with the other Black Eagles now and has even become quite close to Bernadetta, but Edelgard is… Only Edelgard makes so much efforts in trying to make her feel at ease.

Within a few weeks, they made a habit of meeting in the library to help each other with homework or just to talk about their day. At times, the house leader must cancel, stating she's too busy with important duties and Marianne understands, considering the heir's future position as the ruler of Adrestia. 

The nature of these duties is never brought up when they talk again, but she doesn't mind. It's forgotten as soon as the two start talking about birds or the type of flowers they prefer.

Alas today, the atmosphere is slightly heavier. Idle chatting derives toward a much more personal subject, a dreaded albeit needed conversation.

"I really enjoy our discussions Marianne," Edelgard begins, her palms resting on her lap," but despite knowing each other better, I can't help worrying about you"

Trying her best to ignore the shiver caused by this information, Marianne only gives a questioning look as an answer.

"I know there's something still troubling you, tormenting you even. From what I've seen, I guessed it might concern your crest but…"

She suddenly sounds so shy, so different from the cold image offered to the world. "Would you, maybe, try to tell me now ?"

Marianne stops breathing.

The reason why Edelgard bothers to think about her wellbeing is beyond her. But after all, nothing seems to be immune to Edelgard's curiosity, she's seen it in class. Her legs start to tremble, and it can't even be attributed to the temperature, not with rays of sun bathing the monastery in a warm glow on this late summer day.

With wide eyes Edelgard realizes she might have overstepped. "I'm sorry, truly… please accept my apologies Marianne." Her words come so fast they sound almost incomprehensible. "You don't have to tell me anything you do not wish to share, and I certainly have no right to presume what you feel."

"No, no, I was just a little taken aback." After a small cough, the blue-haired student gathers herself, "It's just that my adoptive father forbade me from telling anyone about this."

A frown makes its way on her pale face, but the answer is gentle all the same. "I understand. I won't push you anymore, you have my word."

"I want to share it with you," Marianne tells the first thing that comes to her mind. Edelgard truly has the power to make her feel at ease, it seems. White eyebrows shot up, but her surprise is soon replaced by a grateful look. Edelgard shifts and turns more to her classmate, her posture indicating that she has her full attention.

"I, um.. I've always attracted misfortune. I'm just a burden. Anyone who comes near me might get hurt… or disappear, like my parents."

The lord's eyes searches Marianne's attentively, without a hint of annoyance. There's not even pity in her expression, only incomprehension, and honest curiosity waiting patiently for the story to continue.

"They're gone because of me." A painful lump forms in her throat, but it's not enough to stop her, she’s used to struggle against it. "Because I bear a cursed crest."

“Cursed ?”

“Yes. My family inherited it from my ancestor Maurice… it’s called the crest of the Beast.” 

Though she quickly regains her composure out of respect for her friend, Edelgard’s mouth opens slightly at that. The story of Maurice is known by a few, but as she is required to have an extensive knowledge of the history of Fodlan and crests, the imperial princess must have been told by a tutor when she was a child. 

“That’s why I try to hide it ! No one must know… and people should keep their distance.”

“Marianne, it's just a legend." Edelgard reaches out as if to touch Marianne's arm, then hesitates. Her fingers stop mid-air, floating over the skin for a moment before she retracts her hand. 

“I don’t know,” Marianne replies with her head bowed. 

"AAAAARGH !"

Startled by Edelgard's sudden and uncharacteristic scream, Marianne looks around in panic.

"A-a rat ! T-there !" She points at the small rodent nibbling pages of a book on the floor. Marianne face softens at the sight, so different from the expression of pure terror encompassing Edelgard's eyes. The amused smile about to tug at her Marianne's lips vanishes as soon as she notices how distressed the lord looks. Edelgard von Hresvelg, scared of cute animals like rats ?

"You don't have to be afraid, rats are quite friendly, actually," Marianne says with a reassuring tone before walking toward the rodent. It doesn't even scamper, and instead plops on her open palms. She sighs contentedly. Her way with animals has always been something she was proud of.

"Hum, I don't really have fond memories of them."

"Oh, I'm sorry then…" With the rat still in her hands, Marianne stands up and turns her head toward Edelgard. She frowns then, the question threatening to escape her. A noble has to inquire about her friend's problems, especially if said friend has listened to her mere minutes ago. But what comes to Marianne's mind is nothing but honest, unscripted concern, even though she's scared of breaching boundaries. Still, it would be impolite not to return the favor. "Do you…do you want to talk about it ?"

"I'd rather not." Her voice is firm, yet the remaining anguish in her gaze clashes with the fearlessness expected of an heir to the throne.

"Alright…” she smiles, “but one day I will show you how cute they can be."

Edelgard chuckles somberly, "That's kind Marianne, but it might be complicated."

* * *

At the end of the month, and on top of its ominous events, Manuela's unconscious body is discovered in the room of the masked professor, whose name had been on everybody's lips recently.

Edelgard is asked to take Manuela to the infirmary, leaving the Black Eagles to fight on their own for the first time. None would have guessed that a secret underground chamber existed under the monastery —and hiding enemies of the church at that. Yet here they are, students battling with mages wearing sinister attires while mechanisms of an unknown technology bring them closer to their last foes.

Before entering the last room, the party gathers at the wooden door to split into small groups. Marianne casts a healing spell on Ferdinand, then quickly grants Caspar the same treatment, knowing they would be the first ones to charge.

Flanked by other masked individuals, the Death Knight awaits them inside. Unfortunately, he is almost invulnerable to the warriors' attempts to strike him, barely shifting on his horse to avoid blows. As he readies his lance to riposte, Byleth lunges forward but she's stopped by a purple glow materializing beside the enemy. It unveils a dark cape, then the face of the intruder.

Seeing him for the first time, Marianne finds that what this strange figure lacks in height is undoubtedly compensated by the menacing aura surrounding him. Though his voice is muffled, it still carries an authority the Death Knight dares not question.

He presents himself as the Flame Emperor and claims to be the one who will change Fódlan. It sounds… a little presumptuous to Marianne. Of course she doesn't tell anyone and to be truthful, he does scare her slightly.

After this peculiar encounter, they at least manage to take both kidnapped girls to safety. When they return to the surface, Marianne hurries back to her room. After closing the door, she kneels before her bed and thanks the Goddess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had trouble writing this chapter for some reason, but the next one should be longer and I'm really eager to share it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW slight violence

**Wyvern Moon, 1180**

The next morning , Edelgard invites Marianne for tea.

It feels hypocritical and perhaps is she underestimating Marianne's resilience —or exaggerating her sensitivity—, but the need to make sure she's alright is too strong. The last battle had been tough, especially since the sight of the Death Knight and the Flame Emperor unsettled every member of her house, except for Hubert.

Edelgard might be the type of student who devotes her free time to conspiring in the shadows, plotting to overthrow a thousand-year-old regime, yet she can't help feeling a bit guilty. To prevail she must accomplish the path set before her. A series of battles, diplomatic discussions and sacrifices await her and her retainer. But putting her classmates in danger and abusing their trust is already her greatest regret, for she's certain that no one would follow her when they discover the truth.

Edelgard and Hubert will be alone against the world, as they've always been. 

Now is not the time to dwell on such bleak thoughts though, might as well indulge in spending time with friends while she can. Moreover, welcoming a guest without so much as putting the teapot to boil would be impolite. She therefore proceeds to bring a fancy tea set, with cups and little plates to serve sweets. While rearranging the different types of tea she bought earlier, Edelgard finally spots Marianne approaching the table.

"I'm so sorry I'm late !" Marianne declares, out of breath. "Today's celebration in the Cathedral took much longer than usual."

_Oh right, she's pious._

"No need to apologize, there is no class today so we still have plenty of time." She does not actually but putting her obligations aside for a while is not a problem if it means spending more time with Marianne.

Okay, what was that ?

"Please, have a seat, what type of tea would you like Marianne ?" the princess asks instead of reflecting on the nature of these strange thoughts.

"Um, lavender blend please if that's possible."

For a while, the two students are absorbed in a comfortable conversation, only stopping to take sips of their tea. Edelgard breathes an imperceptible sigh of relief when Marianne assures her that the battle hasn't affected her as much as Edelgard had feared. Another matter troubles the house leader, though.

"I've been thinking about the story of your crest." The moment her cup is set back on her plate, Marianne looks at her with uncertainty.

"Oh no, I shouldn't have told you. Now my problems are just wasting your time…You shouldn't bother with-"

As soon as Edelgard lays her palm on Marianne's hand, she is certain the glow on her cheeks and neck compete with the brightness of her red cape. But her attention is soon drawn to something else. Edelgard marvels at how, despite wearing gloves, she can sense the warmth of Marianne's hand when she squeezes it gently.

Given the heir's past, physical contact does not usually come naturally to her, except when one of her classmate's fighting stance must be rectified, or when a steady hand on the shoulder is needed to calm Caspar down. She's never been one to comfort through touch as Dorothea does, nor to express her friendship that way. But with Marianne, there is no fear, no calculated acts, and sometimes Edelgard doesn't even recognize her own mind or senses or feelings or- everything that's turned upside-down when she's around her.

Marianne doesn't retract her hand. Something Edelgard cannot identify flutters in her chest when she realizes her friend did not even startle at the contact. A tiny smile appears on Edelgard's lips.They're making so much progress.

"I wanted to say that you should never consider yourself as a monster. No one is responsible for the crest they bear, or the nature of said crest. The current system does not only impose crests as the only source of social value but also spreads rumors about cursed crests. To what end ? Enabling a hierarchy of crests within the already existing hierarchy of-" Edelgard lets out an exasperated sigh, putting her fingers on her forehead, and stops her rambling before going too far.

"All I'm saying is that nothing proves that your crest causes misfortune and that you should be afraid."

"Still I'm… more trouble than I'm worth." Her voice is so small and desperate Edelgard's heart nearly shatters. With her eyes shut tight, Marianne squeezes the side of the hand still holding hers. The touch is timid, fingers almost intertwining, seeking consolation and reassurance.

"I refuse to believe that," Edelgard replies softly, "and I won't abandon you, Marianne."

* * *

After a few days in the infirmary, the other girl rescued from the hands of the Death Knight rejoins the Black Eagles. Monica von Ochs seems to have fully recovered from the kidnapping when Marianne first meets her. She's spontaneous, energetic and never minces her words. Clearly the type of person to make Marianne uncomfortable, although some of her classmates had been the same at first.

Even if she'll probably learn to feel at ease around Monica someday, like she did with the others, Marianne opts for watching from afar for now. _M_ _aybe_ she'll be kind too, she hopes.

Yet it proves to be complicated.

The house leader is understandably required to help Monica settle back in her former house. Marianne guesses their long conversations are dedicated to brief the new student on the lessons the professor is teaching them at the moment, and to acquaint her with her new classmates. Edelgard had done the same with Marianne, after all.

But she cannot possibly be the only one who's noticed how Monica seems to… monopolize Edelgard's time. Or perhaps she is, because she's simply too busy thinking about Edelgard for her own good.

And that irritating way to call her 'Edel'… she's heard it at least 3 times since the two started talking, just a few meters from where she's seated. For the past week, she's been meaning to ask Edelgard a question. Unfortunately, Monica was always there and Marianne never dared interrupt them. But waiting for Edelgard to be alone is hopeless. Gathering her courage, Marianne finally decides to walk towards them.

When Edelgard notices her presence, the irritated frown on her face vanishes to unveil a glimpse of curiosity.

"Hum… Excuse me, Edelgard, I just wanted to know when-"

"Stay out of our way, little girl," Monica snaps at her without warning. Anything but subtle, she adds a disgusted look that unmistakably stabs Marianne's heart. Tears begin to well up in her eyes and she prays they're not visible enough for Monica to see and ridicule her even more.

Edelgard's cold eyes are already shooting daggers at the redhead. Although Marianne is sure that anybody would petrify under such a glare, Monica doesn't.

"Don't ever speak to her like that again," she warns, her tone slow and dangerous, emphasizing each word. 

Nothing wavers in the girl, that insufferable smirk is still glued to her lips and it seems so unreal Marianne wants to flee and blame herself forever for interrupting them without thinking. Unsure of what to do, she settles for what she usually says to escape any situation.

"Er…excuse me…"

However, an arm sliding under hers suddenly makes her jump.

"Marianne ! I found the book you were searching for the other day, come with me." Dorothea appears at her side, wearing a grin that could fool everyone. Even Marianne if she didn't know the songstress sent the same fake smile to every suitor harassing or patronizing her because of her status.

Has she been watching the whole time ?

Edelgard opens her mouth to reply but her words are incomprehensible as Marianne is pulled away by Dorothea.

Once outside, she leads her to the stone railings overlooking the mountains. While Marianne is still shaken up and trying to come to her senses, Dorothea leans her hands against the stone. A frustrated groan escapes her.

"How dare she ?" she says through clenched teeth, "apparently it wasn't enough for her to insult me yesterday, she had to lash out at you too. How can she be so insensitive ?"

Marianne has no answer to this and focuses instead on the sensation of the fresh air calming her nerves.

"What did she say to you ?"

Dorothea looks down, her expression reflecting a pain Marianne has never expected to see on her face. "She called me an…o-orphan slut."

With wide eyes, the smaller girl gapes at her. She doesn't have to be familiar with Dorothea's personal story to know those ruthless words would distress anyone. Nevertheless, she quickly composes herself not to appear too rude. "Oh, I'm really sorry."

"It's nothing. Yeah, Monica's been back for two weeks and she's already aware that I'm an orphan, but everyone knows in the monastery, I guess," Dorothea declares with a sad chuckle, delicately wiping a small tear from her cheek, "I just wanted to get you out of here."

"Thank you. That's really kind, Dorothea."

"Aw don't mention it, Mari !"

Dorothea straightens her back and runs a hand through her brown locks, her confidence restored in the blink of an eye. "I wonder what Edie's doing with her though, don't she see this girl is heartless ?"

The same incomprehension has been plaguing Marianne's mind for days, and the previous events are certainly not drawing her closer to an answer.

"I don't know either…" is all she says as she meets Dorothea's gaze, sharing her concerned look.

* * *

"When will you stop being cruel to my friends ?!" 

Edelgard’s yell echoes in her room, concealing the sound of the door slams. To heck with restrained reprimands, Monica has gone too far. 

The dangerous twinkle in Monica's red eyes intensifies, her innocent face distorted by a wicked smirk. Though Kronya has worn this disguise for a while now, Edelgard never forgets she is but an Agarthan pawn, lurking underneath the body of a lost soul.

"Don't tell me what to do, kid. I'm sure the imperial princess doesn't want me to tell her dear uncle to give her an extra scar, now does she ?"

Her jaw clenches so tight it hurts her. Control yourself.

Without realizing it, Edelgard starts to exhale deeply through her nose as her hands close into fists at her sides. Control yourself.

"Oh, there's no space left on your body…" Kronya adds in a sadistic murmur, that sick smile still on her lips "is that it ?"

It's too much. In a second, Edelgard rushes to Kronya and seizes her by the throat, nearly lifting her. Irrepressible fury encompasses her whole body, along with the power of her two crests cursing through her veins, ready to be unleashed. Edelgard feels her fingers tighten against the Agarthan's neck, the glimmer of the crest of Flames pumping against her skin, but she resists.

"Don't ever make the mistake of threatening me again, Kronya. And don't…" she begins to punctuate every word in a low, ominous voice, "Ever." 

The proximity of their faces only heightens the intensity of the glare fixed on Kronya, "Forget." Edelgard tilts her head to the side slowly but never leaves Kronya's wide eyes. "Who's.Your." The grip stays tight. "Emperor."

With her throat constricted and her body against the wall, Kronya can barely move. However, her trembling, frantic nods suggest she has understood the message, and the lord releases her at last. 

"I only keep you alive because you're useful to my plans."

As a response, Kronya only grumbles and tries to massage her neck, pointedly avoiding the burning stare she finally escaped from. Without a moment's delay, the future emperor gets her out of her room and heads to the training grounds. The battle of the Eagle and Lion is near, and it must be won.

* * *

To say Marianne is anxious to fight against the other houses would be an understatement. The morning preceding the battle, Edelgard attempts to reassure her, insisting that Marianne won't be alone to face her former classmates.It might not be enough but there is no time. Professor Byleth urges them to take their weapons and soon, the Black Eagles are on the battlefield, disposed strategically to attack on both fronts.

With quick arrows, Petra begins to clear a path, allowing her friends to step forward. While the other group, led by Professor Byleth, marches to the Lions, Edelgard guides her own to the west, occupied by the Deers. Hubert's spells make quick work of most soldiers, including Leonie, and as soon as she spots him, Dorothea neutralizes Ignatz, and the team progresses even further.

Locking eyes with Claude from afar, Edelgard senses the thrill of wanting to fight him herself. It may be petty and competitive but behind the Flame Emperor's mask, she's still a schoolgirl with common desires, such as ridiculing and defeating her rival in front of his friends.

So on a whim, she sneaks past the remaining Golden Deers and dodges blows to quickly find herself in front of the enemy lord, who's noticed her, of course.

"Hey, Princess! Heads up, There's a rat right by your imperial feet !"

Her blood runs cold at Claude's warning, a terrified scream escapes her mouth. _How does he know anything about that ?_

"BAH! I-huh. How dare you make a fool of me. You will not rile me with such childish tactics," Edelgard frowns as her voice drips with venom.

Amused smirk still glued to his face, Claude continues to torment her instead of fighting, "Ah, so the sheer terror in your eyes was…", his head tilts to the side, "something else entirely. My mistake. Anyway, it was only a joke."

Huh, a joke. More like a personal, twisted dig, if you ask her.

"You really hope to unsettle me with childish jokes ?" Masking the last hints of fear, pretending his words did not reach her, is the best option. "It won't work. You must stand and fight!"

By the time Claude understands their little exchange is cut short, the Adrestian heir is already charging at the archer, throwing him off guard. She doesn't even let him ready a single arrow, as her axe strikes him down in one angry blow.

With Claude disqualified, Edelgard turns to her friends, who are still dealing with the remaining Deers. Not far from her position, she notices a familiar pink sight. It's strange. The so-called delicate flower is immobile, with her axe resting on her shoulder and a hand on her hips. Hilda is visibly watching something, or rather someone with attention.

Marianne.

Oh.

When realization dawns to her, Edelgard stares with her mouth agape. She cannot believe the hungry eyes checking out her friend with unconcealed lust. It leaves her with a feeling of disgust blazing deep inside her chest and a bitter taste on her tongue. 

"Marianne ! Wooow, someone has become quite hot since she changed class…" Hilda calls cheerfully while hopping towards the blue-haired girl. Her weapon is now dangerously secured in her grip and ready to take her opponent out of the race.

Her words seem to have the desired effect on Marianne, who's looking absolutely baffled, even though Edelgard is pretty sure there's more behind this crude praise than a way of destabilizing her former classmate.

But despite her discomfort and flushed cheeks, Marianne draws her sword from the sheath attached to her belt and prepares herself. 

Hilda jumps forward.

Zoom.

A tomahawk sent with the utmost precision cuts through the air and the space between the two girls.

First Monica, then Claude and now Hilda. People truly are determined to mess with her nerves this month.

"What ?!"

Hilda looks around her in incomprehension, searching where the tomahawk had come from. The Golden Deer barely has time to frown as a fuming Edelgard tackles her to the ground.

Speechless, Marianne watches the scene and locks eyes with Edelgard, who's getting back on her feet after defeating Hilda. It lasts only mere seconds as Seteth's voice rings out, announcing the Black Eagles the winners of the battle of the Eagle and Lion. The victorious team cheers, and once the whole house is reunited, the house leader congratulates the second group for succeeding in handling the Blue Lions.

Back at the monastery, students feast and celebrate together, regardless of their house. Most of them look like cheerful teenagers, enjoying the night with nothing worrying them but perhaps the fear of being catched inebriated by a professor.

No one thinks of future battles, where they would face each other for real this time, where faction would matter. Those thoughts only plague Edelgard's mind, and maybe Hubert's, yet she tries to push them aside as best as she can. For the sake of one of the only nights where the three houses can mix without animosity, or at least pretend there isn't one. 

Unfortunately, this means Sylvain has an even wider range of ladies to flirt with, including Edelgard, who's already declined his advances only an hour ago. He nonetheless tries to approach again, his movements less precise and more agitated than before. She lets out a sigh of relief when Dorothea, always an angel, steps in, putting her hands on his shoulders to lead him away from her friend. She'll have to thank her for it.

Edelgard takes this opportunity to go check on Marianne, who appears to be in an animated conversation with Bernadetta. She doesn't seem really upset but Edelgard prefers to make sure.

Marianne is the first to notice her presence. She falls silent, staring at the lord strangely and Bernadetta soon follows the direction of her eyes.

"Excuse me for interrupting girls, but can I talk to you for a moment, Marianne ?"

"O-of course," she blinks before sending a small smile to Bernadetta.

Edelgard leads her under an arcade by the empty classrooms. She assumes her role of leader, concerned by the well-being of her Eagles. It never felt like a role if she had to be honest, only something natural and she hopes her classmates can see this.

"How are you feeling Marianne ?" she begins soflty, letting her know she's not going to reprimand her.

"Um fine, thank you." Marianne fidgets with her fingers nervously, yet her gaze doesn't waver, "but I have a question."

Ah. Of course. Edelgard knew she would ask.

"Yes ?"

"Why didn't you let me fight against Hilda ? Didn't you help me train for this kind of situation ?"

"Er…" _Get a hold of yourself, it's not like you to be this flustered_. But the now familiar red hue is already spreading on her face once more. Her brows crease and she can't come up with any excuses.

"Edelgard ? Did I say something wrong ? I'm so-"

"I-It's chilly out there, no ? I think I'll go back inside, see you tomorrow Marianne !"

And with a small wave, the courageous heir leaves Marianne, who can only try and understand what just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my friend Matie, whose ideas are essential to this story, especially for this chapter : notre petit slowburn avance, malgré Monica :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Red Wolf Moon, 1180**

A knock on the door makes her forget the rest of the sentence. It's a shame, for she'd finally found the right way to express her thoughts after several minutes of reflection. Alas, her letter to Margrave Edmund would have to wait. Few people come to see her in her room, except for Dorothea. Sometimes Bernadetta, when the archer is sure she won't run into someone on the way. It's probably her, in fact.

Marianne resists the urge to step backwards when she opens the door.

With at least a head taller than her and his piercing stare, Hubert always appears intimidating, even though she's more or less used to his presence by now.

"Good afternoon, Marianne," Hubert begins in a cold, calculated tone, and immediately gets to the point, "There is an urgent matter I must warn you about."

"W-warn me ?"

Oh no…Did someone complain about her presence ? Or does Hubert rather think she spends too much time in the cathedral, instead of working to improve her spells ? Perhaps is he even here to tell her that her performances are way behind the other mages' and that it's beginning to affect the whole class ?

"Yes. My recent observations have led me to an unforeseen conclusion." Spotting Marianne' distress, his already sinister face contorts into a smirk that does not bode well. "It seems you've been taking too much of Lady Edelgard's precious time, as of late."

"What ?" Marianne flinches and she tries to hide her trembling hands behind her back, although Hubert has probably already noticed them.

"Hm, so you don't even realize it…interesting. She appears to have taken an interest in you, however it would be incongruous of me to dictate how my Lady chooses to spend her time." _What is happening ?_ Marianne is unable to avert her gaze from her classmate, each of his words aggravating the fear already freezing her into place.

"I only have her best interests in mind of course, yet I cannot order Lady Edelgard anything. Therefore, I demand that _you_ distance yourself from her, for the future Emperor has not a minute to lose."

He finishes at last and looks at her expectedly. Marianne clears her throat. "I-I know spending time with me is wasting her time… I shou- I'm so sorry, I should have taken my distance long ago… But she insisted—"

"Are you accusing her Highness ?" Hubert interrupts with a menacing half-smile.

"No! No, I- it's entirely my fault, I won't disturb her anymore, I'll stay away." Her voice almost breaks as she shakes her head. After all, Edelgard must finally be fed up with her, even though she told Marianne otherwise.

And despite how she has been trying to ease these intrusive thoughts, it's another confirmation that she always ends up being a burden. 

"A wise decision. The future of Adrestia, and of Fódlan is at stake. Goodbye Marianne," Hubert declares and takes his leave, finally releasing her.

She closes the door straight-away, letting the back of her head fall against it. The ache in her heart increases with panic, although Marianne knows it will soon be replaced by a numb sensation. This hollowness, which has been around her for so long, will also accompany her tonight. The girl closes her eyes shut. What has she done ?

* * *

For the first time in several years, Edelgard wakes up with a small smile on her lips. Today is Marianne's birthday, and the heir is more than determined to make _her_ smile. She rises and proceeds to get ready for the day, instead of dwelling on the reasons of her unusual joy this morning.

Even on a Sunday, the future emperor has obligations, especially with everyone talking about the mystery surrounding Remire. Maintaining a composed facade while the whole monastery is speculating on every new information is harder than she thought. Her ambitions might be set in stone, it does not mean Edelgard is certain of what she's about to do or about the methods to achieve this.

But today, her only wish is to celebrate Marianne's birthday around a nice cup of tea, with a little gift to make her feel accepted and cared for. It might not be an ideal timing, but nothing can prevent her from doing so before she still can.

* * *

Hiding in her chamber, Marianne does not meet Edelgard at the hour scheduled for their tea. Sending a note to alert Edelgard of her absence would have been preferable, but Hubert's warning is clear in her head : from now on, she will avoid any unnecessary interaction with her house leader.

There are letters to write, homeworks to do. If she finishes those, she could maybe read in the evening to occupy her mind. Even tidying sounds like a good idea. Anything but moping and panicking.

Of course, Marianne is used to it, yet this time her self-hatred is so strong she might not be able to stop crying if she starts to think about it. It's just a question of time. Guilt and sadness will be her only companions the first few days. Then a profound resignation will succeed them, leading her to distance herself from everyone. Here's the consistency in the cycle induced by her curse.

A noise wakes her from her ruminations, probably Hubert again. Marianne considers not answering the door for a second, but decides against it, too scared of facing his wrath if she dares ignoring him.

"Marianne, are you feeling well ?"

The voice behind the door makes her shiver more than it usually does. She doesn't move a muscle. _She's not supposed to be here, she's wasting her time with me._

"Marianne…I know you're here, please at least tell me if you're alright."

Finally giving in, Marianne finds a concerned Edelgard outside her room. A word of reassurance and she'll go back inside, it's simple. Besides, she surely looks dreadful considering the night she spent. For some reason, Marianne does not want Edelgard to see her like this, with a mist over her eyes and twitching lips.

Still, no sign of anger, or disgust, decorates Edelgard's face. Marianne rather feels guilty for the genuine worry etching her delicate traits.

"I'm fine, your Highness." Edelgard flinches at the title. Marianne continues before she has time to reply, "I've just been…forgetting my place. You have more important things to do than forcing yourself to be kind or to spend time with me." A tear threatens to fall, "I won't bother you anymore, I promise."

Edelgard gapes at her and blinks.

"Where does this come from all of a sudden ?" Her voice is filled with uncertainty and Marianne is sure she's never seen Edelgard this distraught.

"Forgive me, you don't have to show me sympathy, I'll leave you be from now on."

As Marianne starts to move backwards, Edelgard reaches out to prevent her from closing the door.

"No. I don't understand…wh-" The lord shakes her head before looking down for a moment. Lilac eyes pierce into brown a second later, "Never in the world would I have wished for such a thing. I don't force myself…"

Her gaze now darts from side to side rapidly, until realization suddenly seems to sink in "Oh Goddess…I'm going to kill Hubert." The silence from Marianne confirms her suspicion. "How dare he make you feel so bad ? I'll make sure he does not make the mistake of presuming what is or isn't good for me again."

Marianne's expression remains as pained as before and the heir quickly notices it. With eyes cast down, she still sees Edelgard approaching carefully.

"Marianne, look at me," she says in the gentle tone usually used to calm her, and the blue-haired student complies.

"My apologies for what Hubert's been putting you through, I'll go speak to him. But first, you must know that whatever he said is utterly wrong. He…" she sighs at the thought of her retainer's methods, "sometimes lies to protect me, when he considers something or someone a threat to my destiny as the future emperor. I have to admit it's quite frequent."

She pauses, irises glowing towards the taller girl.

"However, I truly cherish the moments we spend together. Not once did you annoy me, or make me feel as though I should spend my time in a different way. And seeing you in pain like this is just…" Her face contorts into a frown, as if the image of a sorrowful Marianne hurt her like an open wound. Edelgard doesn't finish her sentence, but moves closer instead, her hand ghosting over Marianne's forearm, "May I ?"

She nods, seeking the comfort her friend offers her, yet she's not prepared to be pulled into a hug. Edelgard brings her closer, her arms and perfume enveloping Marianne in a soft embrace, soon reciprocated. The initial freezing sensation quickly fades as the hands on her back start to rub small circles.

"Please, believe me when I say you're not a burden...You're my dearest friend," the princess speaks again, head resting on Marianne's shoulder.

Her ears must be playing tricks on her. But she may as well give in to this dream for just a moment. She closes her eyes.

"T-thank you, you're my dearest friend too, Edelgard."

They've never been this close, and though it is quite unexpected, the touch is not unwelcome. The feeling of Edelgard's arms secured around her is soothing. Besides, Marianne is grateful they're in the privacy of her room, because being seen with the imperial princess like this would undeniably plunge her into anguish. Or perhaps is she afraid people might notice how the embrace lingers a bit longer than necessary.

Unfortunately, it comes to an end, Edelgard releases her, but she says with enthousiasm, "Why don't we go for a walk ? Some fresh air should help you feel better."

Marianne agrees and they walk around the monastery for a while, enjoying the cold albeit refreshing breeze. It does clear her mind and when they arrive near the stables, an idea comes to her.

"Oh! Come this way, I want you to meet my friends."

The sudden exclamation is answered by a quizzical look from Edelgard, who follows nonetheless her friend to the stables. In one of the stalls, a brown horse tilts his head and snorts happily when he recognizes Marianne.

"Hello Dorte." She raises her palm to stroke his muzzle affectionately. "This is Edelgard, I've already told you about her. Don't worry, she's very kind."

Edelgard chuckles fondly at that, approaching closer to the stall.

"This is Dorte, he's a horse but he's my friend." Marianne admits, a little bashful.

"Well, nice to meet you Lord Dorte." Edelgard adds a little curtsy to her greetings. Marianne hides a small laugh behind her hand, enchanted by the princess's willingness to enter her world. Edelgard shows the same dedication in everything she does, she thinks, be it in class, on the battlefield or when she has to play along, just because she deems it important for Marianne. It's endearing.

The sound of movements in the stables makes them both turn to the new visitors.

"Here are my other two friends !" the blue-haired girl announces, crouching to welcome them. The small dog is the first to greet her, "This is Rolf, I found him all alone in town, so I took him here. And this unnamed lady here," she then points at the black cat with a little white patch above the nose, who approaches at her own pace, "has been following me around lately, she's independent but very affectionate. I've only known her for some days so I haven't found her a name yet."

The presentation is barely finished when she's struck by the sight of Edelgard, whose features are softened and eyes wide with awe.

"Aww, this cat is so cute." The heir immediately cups the cat's face to pet her behind the ears. The animal purrs loudly, then rubs against her legs before coming back to her hands.

Marianne chuckles wholeheartedly now, "I didn't know you liked cats so much, Edelgard. And she's clearly taken a liking to you."

"I guess so," she answers with a giggle, then directs her gaze to the mage."Ah, here's the smile I've been wishing to see."

Had they been from anyone else, these words would have caused her smile to drop at once. But Edelgard never mocks or teases her, she just makes Marianne feel like she can be herself. The smile stays on.

Her friend walks up to her without averting her eyes from Marianne's and searches for something in her pocket.

"I almost forgot with everything that happened, but happy birthday Marianne."

Having someone remembering her birthday is already a surprising gift, which she'll probably remember for a long time. So… the small package in Edelgard's hands.

Despite the shock, she accepts the gift held out to her, and encouraged by the other's nod, proceeds to open it. Inside is a brooch, with intricate patterns made in bronze of the highest quality. A strange star in the middle, framed by small arcs shaped like horns. It looks like the kind of expensive jewels noblewomen wear.

"It's really lovely, thank you."

"This brooch can be used to clasp a cape or a coat, here let me help you." She takes the jewel to gently pin it on Marianne's jacket. "It has magical properties. In fact, it is said to protect the carrier from curses."

She looks up from the brooch to Edelgard. _Am I dreaming ? How can she be this thoughtful ?_ Brown eyes glow with gratitude and astonishment as her grin only widens.

"Thank you very much, I did not expect this."

"I know," Edelgard surprisingly answers with a satisfied smile "Well, I'm afraid I need to go scold Hubert now."

_Ah, yes. Hubert._

"D-Don't be too harsh on him."

"I can't promise anything." She says, and with a wave to Marianne and a pat on the cat's head, the princess takes the direction of dormitories.

* * *

Remire is horrific. A nightmare Edelgard never expected. The snakes who tortured her have made new experiments, their victims walking around the village with demented eyes, haunting screams escaping their lungs as they desire to kill indiscriminately.

She fights against those she reluctantly forced herself to work with, first her own subordinate the Death Knight, then Solon, who dares to look at her after scheming all of this behind her back.

After winning the battle, the Black Eagles catch their breath and begin to pack their weapons in the carriages waiting to drive them back to Garreg Mach. None of them seems eager to stay here any longer.

Edelgard uses the distraction to run into the nearby forest. Finally far enough to be out of sight, she trades her clothes for the Flame Emperor armor, appearing on her body thanks to Hubert's magic. The latter is necessary since the first attempts to put on this voluminous and sophisticated attire herself had taken way too much time. Materializing her armor from a distance was quicker and it proved essential to ensure each of the Flame Emperor’s unanticipated appearances. 

Emerging from the forest, she walks across the burning village, searching for the professor. Yet Edelgard startles as she stumbles upon the sight of blue hair swept by wind and smoke. Marianne is kneeling beside a knight, casting a healing spell to ease his pain. The soldier is the first one to notice her, for he runs away with a scream and blood still dripping from his side.

Alerted, Marianne turns to her and gasps. But she does not flee, she rather seems incapable of doing so. Behind the mask, she cannot see the Flame Emperor is as taken aback as she is.

The mage's face is transparent though. From the terrified look in her eyes, Edelgard can tell Marianne is convinced these are her last moments, condemned to a terrible death at the hand of their enemy. There's absolutely no point in scaring her, so the princess breaks the silence without giving herself away.

"Leave." Hopefully, she manages to convey her most neutral voice.

Marianne blinks, visibly confused that the Flame Emperor spared her life. Yet no questions are asked as the girl hurries towards the carriages.

When Marianne disappears from her view, Edelgard sighs and silently blames her soft, weak heart. She takes a deep breath and straightens her shoulders. Now's the time to speak to Professor Byleth, and to make things clear about what happened in the village.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ethereal Moon, 1180**

The sun has not yet risen as Edelgard enters the knights' hall for her morning exercise. She walks to a table presenting several weapons to get a training axe, but a black shape startles her by jumping right on the table.

"Aww Schnucki… what are you doing here ?" Breathing a sigh of relief, she pets the cat who's been following her without a sound. Choosing to train this early has never been a better decision since no one, especially not the other leaders, needs to see the future emperor's facade of indifference cracked by a mere cat.

But Edelgard is currently alone and can appreciate a moment to scratch this little cat behind the ears. The animal has almost been clinging to her for the past two weeks, always in front of her room or sleeping in her lap when she’s studying late. It may be due to her recently taking the habit of giving her fishes from time to time, but Edelgard is certain her new friend wouldn't have left her if she hadn't. Just one day after Marianne introduced the two, the cat started to follow the heir around and to be honest, she secretly appreciates it. 

Speaking of Marianne…

She provokes a burst of interrogations, contradictory thoughts and doubts in her mind. Sometimes, Edelgard is convinced that everything is just friendly between them. While some nights, when sleep eludes her, she tends to reflect on things that are best left in her unconscious. The memory of Marianne's gaze on her during the day, lingering just a little bit more than usual. It's rare and subtle of course, but happens often enough to notice, be it in class, in the dining all, even occasionally during battle. All those times perhaps only happen in Edelgard's imagination, too, she's not sure.

Shaking her head, she grabs the handle of an axe and positions herself. She needs to stop dreaming. And training is her best way to come back to reality.

* * *

Her mind is not always filled with pleasant thoughts though. She's restless again. Turning in bed, replaying the words Lord Arundel had told her when he visited just an hour ago. What they're doing to innocent students is not inevitable, no matter how many times he tries to convince her of otherwise. They're just using her once more, to fulfill their twisted plans as if they hadn't already taken enough. 

The obligation of working with _them_ to achieve her own goal is an insult to her siblings, to her dying father. Her ambition, her spark, was born among their corpses, yielding to this is tearing her apart every single day. The perpetual nauseous sensation never evaporates, despite how many times she repeats herself that such an alliance is a necessary sacrifice to create her new empire. A world for every forgotten commoner, every child butchered in the name of science… There's no other way.

_Stop rambling. It's not going to help you sleep._

With a sigh, Edelgard decides to get out of bed. Going outside could be useful. It might not be a miracle cure for her insomnia, but it already worked on particularly lucky nights.

As the fresh air stops the suffocating feeling in her lungs, a familiar melancholia replaces her worries. Arundel's presence always causes this. Clutching her night robe around her, Edelgard walks for at least half an hour before stopping near the greenhouse. The light of a candle through the glass catches her attention. _Why would someone pick flowers at this hour when the greenhouse is open all day ?_

The ache in her legs leads her to sit on a nearby bench, where she waits patiently for the mysterious individual to come out. Even though she's not one to pry in other's business, tonight is different, curiosity distracts her from her thoughts.

A student eventually exits the greenhouse, carrying different kinds of herbs in a basket.

"Marianne ?!"

As soon as the blue-haired girl jumps and lets out a terrified yelp, Edelgard scolds herself for scaring her. Brown eyes dart around rapidly, searching for the source of the voice in the dark.

"It's just me," Edelgard speaks again, slower this time. Recognizing her classmate, Marianne catches her breath and her relieved expression changes into a frown. The lord swears there is a hint of concern in her look, but she must be dreaming again.

"W-why are you awake, Edelgard ?"

"And why are _you_ ?" she chuckles lightly. Oh, how it is good to engage into this kind of interactions instead of pretending a tight-lipped agreement to the ploys of deceitful monsters. Instead of fighting to make sure the Flame Emperor's voice is heard and respected without raising suspicion from the snakes.

"I was looking for medicinal herbs for a pregnant mare, Dorte's friend." Hearing Marianne talk about horses as if they were human seems only natural now. Endearing, even. "With class and training I um… couldn't find a moment to do it during the day, so I came here tonight."

"Aren't you tired ?"

"Oh, a little bit, I guess…But a friend needed my help, and now that I found the herbs, I'll be able to give them to her tomorrow." She smiles at her own words, then glances at Edelgard curiously. "Are you having trouble sleeping ?"

"You could say that." 

Wondering what she should disclose, Edelgard ponders her next words for a bit.

"Memories are harder to ignore at night."

Even though it's vague, Marianne is certainly familiar with the deeper meaning behind these kinds of statements. She comes closer and sits next to her, putting the basket on the floor. Her head tilts to the side. "Painful memories ?"

"Yes." The admission is new and feels strange. Still, keeping this to herself hasn't thus far been much more helpful. She can't help but give her trust to Marianne's reassuring smile. "As much as I would like sleep peacefully, I intend to remember my past… It is a part of me I shall never forget."

"Oh…why, if I may ask ?"

"Because the images of what I lived must be clear in my mind. As a reminder of the reasons behind my path."

"What you lived ?" The smile is gone now, and a veil of worry covers her eyes, focused on the future ruler.

Closing hers, Edelgard hesitates on the appropriate order to narrate the events of her partial memory. Starting from the beginning of her captivity appears to be the best option.

"My siblings and I were kept prisoners in the dungeons of the imperial palace."

Marianne seems at loss for words, searching Edelgard's face for any additional explanation while her mouth hangs open.

"It's impossible to tell how much time we've spent there, but I know I was still a child when they put chains on my hands and feet," she recalls as best as she can, "After unimaginable tortures, I finally saw daylight again…I was 14. And the only Hresvelg to get out of there alive."

"T-torture ?! I- What do you mean ? What happened to them ?" Her voice mirrors the violent tremble Edelgard feels in her legs. Poor Marianne was surely not prepared to hear such a story tonight.

"Our captors cut us open, reconstructed our blood in pointless experiments which claimed the lives of my youngest siblings. And if my older brothers and sisters didn't succumb to disease, they went mad until death took them as well."

"I'm so sorry, Edelgard."

"Don't be." She whispers, before taking a deep breath, "this is why it's sometimes hard to sleep with their screams of agony still ringing in my head."

Despite furrowing her brows in sympathy once more, Marianne soon shifts her gaze to the side. She opens her mouth to speak before closing it right away. Unfortunately for her, the movement doesn't escape Edelgard, despite the only source of light being the faint flame of the candle.

"You wanted to ask something ?" 

"Your past… is it the reason why you're striving to be a good emperor ?

"Yes. I work and fight for them, to create a new world in which no one will have to suffer like they did. As Emperor, I will never allow such terrible things to happen again."

Marianne nods, and they spend a few minutes sitting like this, processing what's been said. Edelgard is about to apologize for trapping her in such a gloomy conversation when the girl probably planned to go to bed right after gathering her herbs. But Marianne is the first to break the silence.

"I think you're one of the bravest person I know. For standing and prevailing after everything you've been through. You're even... stronger than I thought."

Such a high price to pay to be strong and brave.

_Stop being this cynical,_ Edelgard tells herself, _the poor girl's just complimenting you._ Back in reality, she mutters a small thank you, she can't suppress the sad smile though.

"I tend to bottle up my emotions, and almost everything regarding these events." Her eyes lock with Marianne's. "Beside Hubert and the Professor, you're the only one to know my story, now. So please, keep this to yourself." Oh, she hates how fragile her voice sounds.

"Of course !"

Her immediate answer encourages Edelgard to continue with more confidence, "However, I must admit that sharing this has made me feel a little better."

"Edelgard, no words can express how grateful I am that you deem me trustworthy enough to share this with me."

She is beyond grateful too, but she's also agreeably sleepy now. Plus, it's too late to elaborate on why she confided in Marianne.

"Excuse me Marianne, but I think I'm about to fall asleep." A yawn escapes her at the mere mention of sleep, emphasizing her words in the process. "I shall walk you back to your room, it's safer."

"Yes, of course. Thank you." Marianne doesn't point out the fact that they live on the same floor, and that they would take the same path regardless if Edelgard walks her to her room or not.

They talk a bit more on the way and after bidding goodnight to Marianne, the Adrestian returns to her chamber, falls on her bed, and succumbs to a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

The next day, the Alliance noble cannot refrain from reflecting on what she's heard, despite the lack of sleep making it increasingly harder to think clearly.

Although Marianne is still thankful, she's preoccupied at the same time. Not only due to learning that Edelgard's life had been a horrific tragedy, but also since her own distress and complains must have sounded petty to someone this scarred. If she has grown to accept her kindness, she fails to understand Edelgard's patience now that she is aware of all the horrors she's been through. 

On a lighter note, Edelgard's revelation also reminds her on their first real conversation. The Eagles leader had told her about knowing what it's like to hide who you truly are. When Marianne thinks back to every stolen glance, every compliment or feather-light touch shared between them in secret, she can't help but wonder if Edelgard was only referring to her past or something else that day. Could it be possible that she might have alluded to another concealed part of her identity ? For an unknown reason, it confuses her more than she'd like to admit.

Maybe, just maybe Edelgard has sinful…affections, too. And Marianne understands why she would want to keep it hidden, it's crucial that the Church doesn't hear a word about it. This kind of inclination is not mentioned in the sacred texts actually, but the Church never openly authorized it either. _Better be cautious._

As far as Marianne is concerned, she doesn't want people to know about this. The curse looming over her is already unbearable but the risk of aggravating it, of tarnishing her family name even more terrifies her.

She rubs her weary eyes, shaking off these concerns to try and resume the notes she was taking about Wilhelm I and Lycaon. Not before casting a glance around the classroom, though. No one seems really invested in what the professor is teaching, save for Ferdinand and Petra, both listening attentively and asking questions every now and then. Meanwhile the others are occupied with something else, which Marianne understands considering they're all Adrestians. There's no doubt Ferdinand knows the history of the Empire as well as they do, yet he intends to show-off, even though his public is not receptive in the slightest. Marianne’s never seen the Black Eagles this uninterested, in fact.

At the end of class, she packs up her books her little slower than usual. Most of the students are already out when she puts her bag on her shoulder, but not Edelgard. The white-haired leader approaches timidly.

"Good afternoon Marianne," she says before offering her a sheet of paper, similar to the pages of a sketchbook Marianne once saw in Ignatz's hands, "here's a little thing to apology for keeping you awake last night, you must be exhausted."

"Oh no, I'm fi- Oh goddess."

The drawing she discovers leaves her breathless. On the paper, a girl wearing a uniform and braids in her hair faces a horse, hand resting tenderly on its muzzle. If her smile is tiny, she looks undoubtedly happy and relaxed. It makes Marianne's heart swell warmly. On top of that, she is impressed by the precision of the lines, amazed by the delicacy of the expressions.

"I-It's you and Dorte," Edelgard explains as if it was necessary, and her voice sounds so shy Marianne melts.

"...Y-you drew me ?" she still asks, clearly astonished. Edelgard answers only with a smile. "It's so sweet, I-" words fail to describe how shaken she feels inside, yet Marianne tries as best as she can, "the drawing is beautiful, Edelgard, really. Thank you so much, you didn't have too."

"I'm glad you like it." As expected, Marianne's last comment is pointedly ignored.

"I really do. I didn't know you could draw so well."

Edelgard looks away, growing even more bashful at the praise, "Well…I don't really have time to practice, but yes, it is a hobby of mine."

"Oh, I see." _Did she draw it in class then ?_ "It's truly wonderful."

"Thank you…" Edelgard breathes before taking a step aside to look behind Marianne's shoulder "I should probably go, Hubert is waiting for me outside."

After exchanging goodbyes, Marianne is left in the empty classroom, wondering if she should slip the drawing into her favorite poetry book or hang it above her bed.

* * *

In less than an hour, the ball will begin, and Marianne cannot say she's looking forward to it. The presence of Bernadetta next to her on Dorothea's bed slightly calms her nerves, though. At first the former songstress had only suggested that she could give them some advice to ease their anxiety about the ball.

At some point however, an illumination seems to strike her, making the two girls even more nervous. They are asked to stay still as brushes carefully slide against their eyelids. Dorothea styles their hair next, undoing Marianne's and combing the long strands until they shine. She claps her hands with joy when she's finished and brings them in front of a mirror. 

"So, what do you think ?"

Despite Bernadetta's initial squeak at their lightly made up reflection, both girls appreciate her work.

As the grand doors of the reception hall are about to open, Marianne feels more confident thanks to Dorothea's words of reassurance and esthetic aid. Still, one element is missing for her to be truly satisfied of her appearance. Retrieving the horned brooch from her pocket, she places it on her chest to join the two extremities of the veil resting on her shoulders.

Alright, they can enter now.

Once inside, Marianne and Bernadetta remain together, getting slowly accustomed to the blinding lights.

"Eww it has barely even begun, and I already want to flee," Bernadetta whines, looking around like a panicked rabbit while stepping backwards against the wall. By the look on her face, it is obvious the smaller girl wants nothing more than to disappear behind it.

"It's okay Bernie, we found the courage to come here, we can stay a little longer."

"But it was already such an effort !"

"I don't really feel much more comfortable but let's just stay for the first dance at least, we'll see after that, okay ?"

* * *

Acting has become common for the Adrestian heir, putting on a smile and pretending she's glad to be here won't be too difficult. Alas, for once, she wishes she wasn't a house leader. The thought of the alarming number of dances and fake discussions requested of her already annoys her. Sure, they all need this kind of distractions in these dark times, but the obligation of opening the ball is something she had forgotten.

So here she is, the center of attention in a random boy's arms. His hands are heavy and unpleasant, yet Edelgard feigns a delighted look. After several minutes of this agonizing waltz, someone catches her attention through the crowd gathered around them. As there was no real obligation to attend the ball, Marianne's presence surprises her. Oh, if only it was just her presence, her eyes wouldn't have been glued to her friend. To the way the midnight blue dress brings out the lighter shade of her hair, loose and slightly wavy against her shoulders. From afar, Edelgard thinks she's even lovelier than usual.

Hopefully, the dance comes to an end and she can finally have a drink. She mentally thanks whoever organized the ball for letting them have light wine tonight. It should help her relax, or at least make the night more bearable. Once returned to Hubert's side, they exchange an annoyed look and Edelgard begins to ask him how much longer they have to stay here, when a loud, excited voice rings out through the hall.

"Heeeey Marianne, looking good tonight, sweetie ! Would you like to dance with me ?"

Edelgard sighs, having recognized that voice immediately, and she's not the only one to turn to its direction.

Behind her, Hilda is already in front of Marianne, and Edelgard notes her advances are not subtler than last month. The only difference is that she's wearing flashy, pink heels, making her as tall as her former classmate, and the satisfied smirk on the Golden Deer's lips tells one thing. She's proud of it.

Edelgard scoffs.

"Hum…I-" By her worried tone it's clear Marianne feels trapped, but Hilda doesn't let her time to finish.

"Great ! I knew you were going to say yes !"

If the princess senses her whole body tense, she refrains from stepping in. She cannot, they're not in the middle of battle this time and intervening between two students would just draw more unwanted attention. All there is to do is to watch Marianne being dragged in the middle of hall by this lazy and insolent girl.

The sound of a small cough startles Edelgard, who prepares herself to accept yet another dance with a boy. She's truly relieved to find Dorothea extending her hand instead, and she gladly takes it.

"You should ask her for a dance instead of boiling inside," Dorothea chuckles after noticing Edelgard's angry stare never left Hilda and Marianne.

"What ? No! I can't ! And how did y-," The white-haired lord almost chokes.

"Edie…" she sighs while tilting her head in a way that makes Edelgard wonder if she had truly been this obvious. The sorceress' voice then becomes more compassionate, "Invite her."

At that, she shifts her gaze from Dorothea to Marianne once more, pondering what she should do. Behind the mask few people can discern how shy and anxious she truly is, and right now this is exactly what is holding her back. Not to mention that she'll soon have to reveal her identity. Getting involved in friendships or even something more would lead nowhere. Among her erratic thoughts, a small, selfish part of her disagrees though. If the next months are to be dedicated to organizing the attack, she'll likely be too occupied to spend time with anyone but Hubert. There will be no way to go back after that.

_I can enjoy one last moment with Marianne then._

She nods to Dorothea, who's gone with a smile, already joining Ferdinand in complimenting Bernadetta.

On the other side of the hall, Hilda eventually releases Marianne and hops back to her group of friends, but Edelgard waits for a bit. She doesn't want to approach her right away, not when Marianne is clutching her arm against her stomach and gulping down her drink, no doubt in an attempt to recover from Hilda's bold flirting. 

Almost five minutes pass before Edelgard decides to act. Once in front of Marianne, her courageous attitude crumbles though.

"Hello Marianne, I hope you're feeling well." Ugh, she’s doing this all wrong. And Marianne looks even prettier up close, with a light hue illuminating her brown irises.

"Hello, It's… manageable, I suppose."

"I see…" the initial demand remains stuck in her throat. "I'll leave you alone then, you probably wish this night was over already." Edelgard understands, she's not one to enjoy this kind of festivities either. She nevertheless tries not to let her disappointment show. 

"No, no!" Marianne must have noticed Edelgard's eyebrows shot up, because she coughs a little and adds nervously, "I like your company."

A subtle flush rises to pale cheeks, and her lips pull on their own accord into a faint smile. "Oh okay…"

It's strange, how this simple act requires more courage than fighting demonic beasts or other nightmarish creatures, but she doesn't back down. "So er…may I have this dance, perhaps ?"

And Marianne has time to say no, or yes, or anything she wants. The lord intends to prove that she and Goneril are nothing alike.

"Of course," Marianne answers so quickly it makes her wonder if she heard it right. Edelgard blinks and finds herself staring in disbelief.

"O-oh, great !"

She extends her hand to Marianne to gently lead her to the dancefloor. She does everything in her power to refrain from rolling her eyes when Dorothea gives her a thumbs-up, ignoring Ferdinand's questioning look. Her focus goes back to Marianne.

Tentatively, they begin to dance, slowly getting used to this new proximity. It's a little awkward at first, their hands tremble and their movements are a little too stiff, yet they never tear their gaze away from the other. Marianne's eyes are too beautiful to look away, Edelgard thinks. The brooch at the base of her neck doesn't escape the Adrestian's sight, however. 

"I'm happy to see you wearing it," Edelgard says. 

The girl with cerulean hair follows her gaze and gives her a timid grin, as if refraining herself from smiling too much, "Why wouldn't I ? It's a gift from a dear friend. And It's really lovely." 

Edelgard smiles, genuinely flattered, while their dance continues. Between swings, blushes and small giggles, the two girls finally relax in each other's arms. As she catches her breath, Edelgard realizes that regardless of all the conventions, tonight is not as horrible as she imagined. Marianne's fingers feel light and nice on her. She also doesn't want the evening to end.

Unfortunately, they're reasonable and when the music changes, they part before starting a second dance.

If they both return to the Black Eagles, Edelgard and Marianne stand a few feet apart to talk with their respective close friends, which prevents them from interacting with each other. Yet they do, even if it would be more appropriate to say they communicate in their own way. Their exchanges are a secret code only they can understand, composed of stolen glances above the rim of a glass. Shy gazes rendered a little steadier thanks to dizzying liquid in their drink.

A few requested dances later, Edelgard finds that the room has become slightly too hot to her liking and decides to head outside. The gardens differ completely from inside, from the temperature to the calm atmosphere reigning there, only disturbed by rare students walking around. Goosebumps would have normally appeared on her skin, but right now the chilly air is refreshing, and somehow fills her with energy. She could swear she's an ordinary student for once. It won't last, she knows it, but the sensation is exhilarating.

Her introspection only lasts a few minutes however.

The sight of Marianne sat on the ground, in a corner of the garden lit only by the moonlight, makes her eyes crease in amusement. Nothing forces Edelgard to step out of her well-deserved moment of solitude, yet she approaches all the same.

The Alliance noble notices her presence and gazes up at her, speaking before Edelgard has the chance to sit beside her.

"Oh wait, you shouldn't ! Your dress is gorgeous, it would be a shame to ruin it." The future emperor looks down at her black dress. It's high quality yes, but she couldn't care less at present. She sits down on the grass.

"Aren't you afraid of ruining yours ? It would be a shame too." She offers instead, smirking.

Although Marianne slightly shrugs, Edelgard doesn't miss the smile on her face. "I like being here, feeling the grass against my legs, and watching the stars. It helps me reflect." Brown eyes are set before her again.

"Reflect on what ?" It's quite personal and Edelgard wouldn't normally have asked but there's an strange aura making her senses more acute, her mind a little clearer tonight.

"On the good time I had tonight," she answers as if it was the simplest thing to say, as if it wasn't an inestimable gift to see Marianne cheerful. "Thank you, for the dance."

"Don't mock me," Edelgard says between giggles as the moment in question comes back to mind. She doesn't stop laughing when she lies down on her back. "I was so… stiff."

Marianne turns her head to her. "I'm serious ! It was nice!" 

The mage struggles to control her increasing grin, and chuckles inevitably start to shake her body as well. She lies down beside her friend.

"It was." Edelgard admits quietly. 

The sky is dark above them but they're two to watch the numerous, sparkling stars now.

"You know," she begins after a while when she remembers something, "I've grown quite fond of the cat you've introduced me too, she's become my friend too. I've even found her a name."

"Really ? What did you name her ?"

An amused smile finds its way on Edelgard's face before she even responds. "Schnucki."

The sound of Marianne's laughter blesses her ears again. "I think it's perfect for her," she says, "It's very cute."

"Yes, and she follows me everywhere now. It seems she really loves me."

"It's understandable." 

The unexpected and earth-shattering whisper instantly makes Edelgard gape at her.

The mage doesn't meet her eyes, not out of fear, but because hers are still focused on the stars, as if nothing had happened. Now there's no doubt that alcohol has weakened her friend's restraint and inhibitions, as the Marianne she knows would never say something like this so casually.

But searching the cause of Marianne's sudden declaration won't stop her heart from hammering furiously in her chest. In response to her interrogatory look, the blue-haired girl only closes her eyes, a content smile on her lips and her features soft in the moonlight.

Between the blades of grass, Edelgard is suddenly aware of gentle fingers hesitantly, albeit tenderly, brushing hers. Her gaze drops down to their hands, then back at Marianne who just sighs quietly instead of opening her eyes, before laying her palm more comfortably on the princess’ hand.

Her heart wouldn't possibly cease its frantic pounding now. No, Edelgard rather senses it swell, and in a surge of bravery she rotates her wrist to hold Marianne's hand properly.

Without any care about how lying on the ground might wrinkle their dresses or how late it is, a grin finds its way on Edelgard's face. It's so natural and unrestrained it makes her jaw hurt. But little by little, her expression softens, the grin transforming into a small smile that still lingers on her lips long after she closes her eyes as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank Dorothea for helping Useless Lesbian von Hresvelg


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, finals got in the way, but I should be able to update more frequently from now on ! Thanks again for all your kudos and comments :)
> 
> TW: panic attack

**Guardian Moon, 1181**

The euphoria of the ball didn't last long.

It is but a distant memory now. A reminder of peaceful and carefree times. In appearance only considering the circumstances that followed. They've never been at peace. Flayn's kidnapping, Remire Village or the mere presence of the Death Knight around the monastery had proven as much. Still, no one could have predicted they would go as far as murdering the captain of the Knights of Seiros, that some of the students enjoying the festivities would be transformed into beasts the next day.

They didn't celebrate the new year, obviously. On the first week of Guardian Moon, everyone is still too shocked by Jeralt's death to even realize a new month has begun. They are not even safe within the walls of the academy if the one who plunged a dagger in his chest was someone from their ranks…

No.

Kronya had taken possession of an innocent girl's body, and from the start Marianne hadn't been the only one to notice the strange aura surrounding 'Monica'. It turns out she was ready to betray them for the sake of provoking chaos and fear. But Kronya is particularly cruel and heartless. Nobody in the monastery would be capable of committing the same atrocities, the Edmund heir is sure of it.

Worry still plagues her mind though, and seeing everyone in mourning does not help. So when Dorothea asks her if she would like to join the other eagles in a small party to lighten up the mood, Marianne is eager to take part in a social event for once in her life. She won't feel as light and happy as she felt on the night of the ball, but the possibility of hearing people talk about anything but death and future threats sounds too appealing to refuse.

* * *

Marianne's hand is a little hesitant when she knocks on the door of Dorothea's room. _I'll have to tell Dorte I willingly went to a party._ A small nervous laugh escapes her, but it's hopefully muffled by the wind as her friend opens the door.

"Hey Mari ! I'm so glad you could come," she greets her with a warm grin, "don't worry, it's only a few of us."

Once inside, several voices welcome her at the same time, but Dorothea was right, it's indeed only a small gathering. She immediately directs Marianne to the seat they've kept for her between Ferdinand and Mercedes, the Black Eagles' newest member.

"I didn't ask Edie and Hubie, I figured they'd be too busy working as usual," the former songstress begins while joining the other in the circle. "the professor won't be here either, for obvious reasons."

"And Lin is already asleep at this hour,” Caspar adds with a mocking tone, “Petra too I think, she said she wanted to be in top form tomorrow."

Recalling the archer's horrified shriek at her failed attempt to get her out of her room, Marianne clears her throat awkwardly, "I…hum couldn't convince Bernadetta."

"It's alright, I'm sure she's only dealing with everything in her own way," Mercedes' gentle voice begins beside Marianne. The blonde's smile is soft when she turns to the others, "Let's relax and think about something else tonight. Oh, and I've brought cookies!"

Marianne observes her for a while, noticing how Mercedes' kind and sweet personality effortlessly steals everyone's heart. She's not jealous though, just in awe. _How did she manage to fit in in just a few weeks, when I'm still struggling to feel at ease around them ?_

They eat and chat about anything that doesn't involve the last events, while the atmosphere progressively relaxes. At the end of Ferdinand's surprisingly accurate impression of Hubert, Dorothea's lips slowly curve in an impish smirk among the bursts of laughter.

"Why Ferdie, you must have observed him a great deal to render each expression, each gesture so perfectly. Not to mention the exact tone of his voice."

From her seat, Marianne sees the noble swallowing uncomfortably as he watches Dorothea with a anxious frown.

"Would you happen to have a crush on our sinister, terrifying vampire ?" the brunette tilts her head, pursuing her teasing.

"Do not mistake my acting skills for a foolish infatuation, Dorothea."

"Ooh excuse me," she says, placing a hand over her heart in a falsely apologetic manner, before focusing her attention on the quietest girl "Let's gossip a little. So you have a boy on your mind, Marianne ?"

The question nearly makes her choke on her cookie.

"Uh no, not at all." If panic is clear in her voice, she hopes they take it for her usual nervousness. 

The blue-haired warrior looks at her strangely though. How could he know ?

"Well, I've heard Hilda was interested in y-"

"Let's not talk about Hilda, huh ?"

Marianne lets out a sigh, both relieved that Caspar has no idea of the truth, and grateful for Dorothea's interruption. Her honeyed tone contrasts with the piercing stare directed at the boy.

"What about you then, Dorothea ?" Ferdinand asks suddenly. Despite his air of defiance, Marianne is certain he's not going to disconcert the brunette in the slightest.

Her green eyes drop to the side in response, but the corner of her mouth pulls up in a tiny smile. "Oh I've got my eye on someone."

It surprises the whole group, yet Mercedes' small laugh and gentle hand on Marianne's prevent the boys from asking for more details. "I think this conversation is making Marianne a little uncomfortable."

It does.

Well no it doesn't, not really. She doesn't want the others to stop talking about it just because she's here. She doesn't want to impose. But Goddess, she wishes for a change of subject.

And thankfully, Mercedes saves her, "So, who's coming to sing at the cathedral on Saint Seiros day next week ?"

That night in her bed, Marianne reviews the evening she just spent. How they spoke, and laughed and learned about each other while stuffing their faces with Mercedes' delicious sweets. It feels so simple and silly and yet so refreshing. She cannot say she's close to any of them, except maybe Dorothea, but it's nice to taste this kind of friendship, to feel progressively more at ease with people. It's late however, and Marianne struggles to stay awake. She falls asleep halfway through her ruminations, with a pleasant feeling in her chest.

* * *

Brushing one of the horses pensively, Marianne tries to convince herself there must be a logical explanation.

It's actually right in front of her eyes : with a direct attack on the Church and the wave of panic overtaking Garreg Mach, there's no doubt the next in line for the Imperial throne has a lot to deal with right now. It would be selfish to expect her to spend time with Marianne.

Still, Marianne had gotten used to their friendly chats, to her affectionate presence, or even just to the chance to see one of Edelgard's small but genuine smiles. There's no point in denying that her affections for the lord are more than platonic, she's figured that out for a while now. And it's therefore even harder to have these moments taken away from her so suddenly. With a wistful frown, she recalls the last time they talked, how they'd gotten closer than ever before thanks to her reckless and mortifying move, only to slowly drift apart in the following days. If she didn't remember it so vividly, Marianne could swear the moment is only a product of her imagination.

She nearly drops her brush as the person in question appears before her, as beautiful as ever. Despite the current chaotic situation, nothing has changed about her appearance. Her pale gaze harbors the same determination, her posture the same pride as she walks along the path near the stable. Hubert is at her side, whispering something and hurrying his friend somewhere, but Marianne only has eyes for Edelgard. She stares from afar, without even bothering to hide the evident longing in her expression.

"Awww so it's a girl !"

She immediately turns her head to the source of the voice. For a moment she'd forgotten she wasn't alone. Although she never questioned the professor's decisions before, Marianne almost curses her now, wishing she hadn't assigned her to stable duty with the very person who asked about her crush the previous night.

"And not just any girl. Who would have thought you had such expensive taste, Mari ?" Dorothea adds mischievously "Well, obviously _I_ 've guessed it from-"

"No ! N-no you're mistaken, y-you haven't seen anything !" Marianne hastens to explain, shaking her head as her thoughts race to come up with the best lie she can find. "It's just admiration !"

Ugh, panic really makes her dig her own grave sometimes. And by the sight of Dorothea's widening grin, she can tell the former diva doesn't buy it in the slightest.

"Oh yes, of course. We all admire our future emperor with hearts in our eyes and beet-red cheeks."

There's not much she can say in her defense, so Marianne just lowers her head, as if looking at the ground would somehow hide her embarrassment. At the lack of response, a hand gently comes to rest on her shoulder, prompting her to look up at Dorothea.

"Don't worry," the smile she offers is sincere now. "No one will know. As much as I enjoy a little gossip from time to time, I'm an expert at keeping secrets."

The Alliance noble blinks. A part of her wants to run, to retreat into seclusion because she doesn't know how to adapt to this teenage world. Her efforts to avoid close bonds, which failed miserably, were indeed not only meant to protect people from her. They mostly derived from her terrorizing fear of getting hurt, mocked, abused. It still makes her stomach churn and she remains wary with certain persons but overall, Marianne supposes she's improved at social interactions.

That's why the other part of her remembers all the times Dorothea has shown her kindness, perceiving her distress and helping her out of overwhelming situations.

Before meeting Edelgard, a theoretical knowledge was the only thing she could rely on to understand how friendship worked, to compensate for her lack of actual experiences. And tales and novels have taught her that real friendships required trust to bloom, or at least to survive.

_Stop thinking everyone is trying to harm you._

The words repeat in her head as she casts a glance at Dorothea's honest face. Allowing people to be close is not something she's used to, but that afternoon she eventually decides to give her trust to two persons at once.

* * *

On rare occasions, Marianne thinks she's starting to see the old Edelgard again : hardworking, surrounded by her eagles, living an ordinary life, at least as ordinary as a future emperor's life can be. it's a beautiful façade, carefully constructed by someone who refuses to show any weakness.

It might have evaded the others, but Marianne is too enthralled by Edelgard to miss how her leader almost runs back to her room after class, how quickly she hurries to finish her meal, and especially how she avoids her best friend's eyes at all cost. All she catches of the lord is but a glimpse of platinum hair, vanished as soon as it appears, yet burned into Marianne's retina for hours.

Needless to say they don't spend time together anymore. The mage even wonders if Edelgard speaks to anyone save for Hubert, and occasionally some classmates in the dining room, though these chats could rather be called formal exchanges.

Marianne could have blamed this behavior on all the work and stress Edelgard must be subjected to with the actual climate of tension. This explanation could have been enough. For a while.

But not after several weeks and not when Marianne started to worry about her health. A new kind of anxiety has now settled in her heart, on top of the already existing ones. Everytime she passes before the ever-closed door on her way out of the dormitories, she wonders if Edelgard is alright or if she's ill but too proud to ask for help. And Marianne is apparently not the only one, judging by the sight of the cat Edelgard was so fond of, relentlessly scratching at the lord's door, but to no avail. It only heightens her confusion, and with each passing day she struggles to deny the frightening realization that her best friend is slipping away from everyone, including her.

* * *

The muscles of her back stay painfully tense long after returning to her chamber. While her mind is slowly succumbing to remorse, the remnants of her recent anger still burn in her core. It wasn't supposed to end up in an argument. She only meant to help the professor refocus on their objectives instead of wasting time weeping in Jeralt's office.

And even though it probably isn't the healthiest solution either, she has enough experience with grief to know that concentrating on work is the best way to avoid thinking too much. Especially when it's the only means at your disposal to deal with it.

Yet, Edelgard is nevertheless slightly appalled what she told Byleth. Now that her mind is becoming clearer, and despite being convinced that these words were necessary, she realizes how insensitive some must have sounded. This isn't who she is, she barely recognizes herself. If that stupid Kronya hadn't—

Something strikes her all of a sudden, halting her train of thoughts as a disturbing feeling makes her knees weak. No matter the reason for such an outburst, she cannot, under any circumstances risk it happening again. Someone more vulnerable than professor Byleth might be on the receiving end of these harsh words next time. Like Marianne. And once the damage is done, she knows that blaming her enemies will be a poor excuse to justify the harm caused to the girl.

Edelgard cannot even imagine getting mad at such a sweet girl. Yet if her so-called _allies_ take the habit of doing as they please, this bad mood is not likely to leave her. She's more than aware that everything is crumbling around them — first with Remire Village, now Jeralt's death. At this rate, her masquerade is about to fall too.

The time to launch the attack and to reveal her motives is quickly approaching anyway. Perhaps sooner than expected, but Edelgard would rather reveal her identity herself than being caught. Exposed as a bloodthirsty heretic in order to dissuade the masses from questioning the authority of the Church. In the meantime, Marianne won't have to suffer from Edelgard's frustration and lack of control. No one will have to suffer from it in fact, because even though it constantly pierces her soul, Edelgard has started to distance herself from her friends. Progressively and carefully, not to evoke too much suspicion. The rebellious heir cannot afford to lose her remaining weeks in Garreg Mach to pointless, yet so very cherished time spent with her classmates. Hopefully, they've witnessed their leader not having a minute to herself, although not for the reason they might think. It prevents her from bluntly telling her friends she doesn't have time for them, at least.

Despite her twin crests and her Flame Emperor persona, Edelgard would never feel strong enough to say something like that. Especially to Marianne. It pains her to admit but she shouldn't have disregarded the clear red flags her instincts tried to warn her about. In the end, her attachment to Marianne will be but a bitter memory. It's funny how in those hazy and complicated months, Edelgard sometimes thought that their bond would somehow alleviate and perhaps even forgive the pain she was about to cause Marianne.

The heir is only weeks older now, but she huffs in disdain at her previous convictions about Marianne. At that time, Edelgard was but a foolish teenager, clinging to hopes of an ordinary life to cope with the bleak future awaiting her. If the tragedy endured by her family already put a hasty and cruel end to her childhood, the past year has forced her to mature even faster.

And as much as Edelgard would like to prevent it, hurting the blue-haired girl with her revelation is inevitable. But she'll do whatever it takes to limit the damage.

* * *

The mage has an uncomfortable feeling that Edelgard is trying to avoid her now. There was something strange in the courteous smile the princess offered her this morning, when Marianne eventually mustered the courage to ask if she was sick. Alone in her room, she remembers her even more confusing response. 'Not at all, there's no need to worry about me'. If nothing is wrong, then why… ?

Her hands suddenly begin to shake against the cushion of her desk chair. She tries to control her increasingly labored breathing as Dorothea taught her, yet anxiety is faster, crawling from her heart to every other part of her body like a snake. It fills her head with thoughts she'd much rather left buried in the back of her mind. She must have misinterpreted things. They had a wonderful friendship and Marianne ruined it by imagining they could be something more. She ruined it. She ruined everything, and what she did after the ball was surely unwanted. It must have disgusted Edelgard, but she probably feared that withdrawing her hand would hurt a meek and pathetic thing like Marianne. 

"But she's been so considerate with me… " she says out loud in her room, even though it's in a whisper. The small canvas above her bed then catches her watery eyes, "and that drawing…"

Marianne tears her gaze away from it before finishing her sentence, shaking her head a little violently to repel these failed attempts to reassure herself.

Until now she'd managed to keep her hands locked under her thighs, yet like a force controlling her body, panic urges her to take them out. She cannot refrain from picking at the skin of her fingers with her nails. It's not painful per se, it's an unfortunate habit Marianne yields to when she's stressed, which is most of the time. It might draw blood on her uniform, but she couldn't care less at the moment, not when her inner voice is ringing with contempt.

_Normal people give gifts to their friends. You would know if you weren't such a recluse._

_It doesn't mean anything._

_Stop dreaming, you foolish girl. No one wants you._

_No one wants you._

* * *

Being occupied most of the time wasn't going to make her classmates forget about her from one day to the next. Still, she didn't expect Marianne to be so confused to approach her in the middle of the library.

She speaks before Edelgard has the chance to greet her.

"Hello, would you perhaps like to have tea with me ?" she blurts out the words in one breath, while the top of her ears turns red in embarrassment.

Edelgard stares at her, nonetheless surprised and secretly a little impressed that Marianne is the one to invite her. It's happened once or twice, but it definitely isn't common.

"It's just that I-uhm… enjoy spending time with you, it makes me feel less depressed aha," she adds with a nervous chuckle. Edelgard now realizes that the library is empty save for Marianne, her and Hubert studying in a corner. The blue-haired girl must have waited for them to be alone to say something so personal.

Oh.

Now Edelgard feels awful, and Marianne's miserable face only heightens the sensation of guilt constricting her throat. She wants to accept right away, to hold the girl in her arms, to ease any of her doubts, to hear her unrestrained giggles instead of strangled laughs. But the sight of Hubert shaking his head in a silent warning behind Marianne reminds her of the path she's committed to.

"I would have loved to but I have so much work at the moment…My apologies Marianne, I'm sure we'll find time to have tea another time."

Her tone is meant to be careful, professional, distant. Edelgard doesn't want Marianne to perceive the hint of heavy-hearted renunciation concealed behind her refusal. Or maybe she does.

"Oh, okay," comes Marianne's reply, her irises growing dim with disappointment, and maybe hurt too. Definitely hurt. The emotion is not rare on Marianne's features, yet so very hard to bear for Edelgard at the moment. Thankfully, Marianne lowers her head and her eyes to the ground, in such a way that the princess cannot tell if it's a bow or simply an attempt to hide her face. "Forgive me for bothering you, then. Have a nice day."

Without waiting for an answer, Marianne gathers her books and exits the library. She's gone in a flash and Edelgard doesn't hold her back, nor does she call after her. The lord just stands there immobile, paralyzed, _weak_.

The sensation of Hubert's hand on her shoulder is enough to make her grit her teeth. She knows what he's about to say. He's not wrong, but hearing it makes her heart clench all the same.

"I'm sorry Lady Edelgard. You made the right choice."

* * *

From then on, Edelgard refused every one of her invitations.

Marianne only tried two or three times in total, but it's already an exploit for someone like her. Who would have thought the recluse would overcome her fears, or at least ignore them for a moment, in order to spend a few minutes with the Imperial princess ? It shows how much Edelgard matters to her, she thinks. But she can take a hint.

During Guardian Moon, Marianne starts to pray in the cathedral more often.

* * *

"A little louder please, Marianne." 

She nods to Professor Byleth and proceeds to stand upright to make her voice more audible. It's a bit useless since it's still drowned by Ferdinand's confident singing next to her, but she's rewarded by a warm smile from Byleth.

"Yes, that's good, I can hear you now. Keep that up." 

She eventually manages to maintain her voice above a whisper during the whole practice for once. The professor will certainly brag about the many improvements Marianne has made under her guidance, and in such a short time. Not the most modest statement, but the mage cannot deny it. She wouldn't dare admitting it out loud, or even to the Goddess, but she feels a little proud of her progress sometimes.

The stinging feeling around her throat tells her they've sung for a while now ; they should be finished soon. So she waits patiently, without interrupting the chant. A few minutes more and she'll be free to relax.

It seems she is not the only person waiting for choir practice to end, however. The royal eagle appears at the cathedral entrance, behind the professor. She leans against a column, her arms crossed over chest as her red cape is gently wafted by the wind passing through the open gate.

Her eyes meet Marianne's for a brief moment before both girls awkwardly avert their gaze.

"Alright, we're done for today. Good work you two," Byleth says at last. Trying to avoid eye contact without hitting a wrong note was starting to get difficult.

As soon as they're finished, Edelgard walks over to the professor. Despite having too much work to see her classmates, the house leader still finds time to speak with her teacher, it seems. They're even said to hold lots of private conversations, some quite heated at that.

Once at Byleth's side, she opens her mouth but the ever-competitive Ferdinand beats her to it.

"Professor, be honest, may I ask what you thought of my pitch ? We nobles must sing well and cultivate our faith. By the way, I think I'd make a great Holy Knight…"

A frustrated frown finds its way on Edelgard's face. It's not Marianne's business though, she should be joining Bernadetta for lunch, it's almost noon. She's about to leave the cathedral when Edelgard unexpectedly turns to her.

"Good morning," the lord greets her with a wide smile. The expression is unusual, and its formality startles Marianne. "It's been a while, several weeks I think, since we had the chance to talk. Are you alright Marianne ?" Even her voice sounds too studied and cordial to be natural. 

_I miss you._ "I'm okay, thank you," Marianne answers instead.

_Why did everything change ?_

"You would tell me if you weren't ? As the house leader, I need to make sure every Black Eagle is fine."

"Y-yes of course."

Edelgard hums in satisfaction, not bothering to ask if Marianne's answer addressed her question or the empty words she said after.

But despite the formal smile and the benevolent consideration for her house _as a whole,_ Marianne is confused by something. Though very subtle, the distant look in those lilac eyes is unmistakable, as if Edelgard didn't believe her own words.

_It's selfish but I don't want you to be just my house leader. I want my friend back._

"Well, I see the professor is done talking to Ferdinand. Goodbye then, " she finally says, the smile still glued to her lips, but her attention already directed elsewhere.

"O-okay, goodbye."

But the words don't reach her, Edelgard is already gone, almost running toward Byleth, "My teacher !"

Marianne heads for the dining hall with tearful eyes.

* * *

On their last training session before killing Kronya, their gazes meet again, above Marianne's blade this time.

The sight in front of her, although not so exceptional, nearly makes Edelgard lose her balance : her teacher standing behind the mage, a hand on her arm and the other on her waist to ensure her posture is adequate. Marianne looking straight ahead and straight at her when she notices Edelgard in her direct line of sight.

The leader knows her own eyes must be filled with remorse, with a sadness that shouldn't be seen by anyone. But she decides to let the emotion be, if only for an instant. It's futile, perhaps a little possessive and certainly years away from the preoccupations she should currently have… But a little part of her distracted teenage brain cannot shake the thought that she used to be the one who trained her. 

* * *

For an instant, they thought the professor was gone, sent into eternal darkness by Solon's spell.

Yet by some sort of miracle, she came back to life thanks to a mysterious force. Once back among her students, her appearance astounds all of them, even earning a "It's the Goddess !" from a very enthusiastic Marianne.

Edelgard rolls her eyes fondly at that, though she must admit that Byleth's new hair color, and those unnatural green eyes remind her of someone. There's no time to dwell on it however, as Solon soon becomes the last opponent standing. In the end, Edelgard is the one to strike the last blow. But despite being fueled by a profound disgust, she's unfortunately too slow to kill him. The sorcerer disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.

And it's indeed the Goddess herself who granted her teacher this new power. An uncomfortable knot constricts Edelgard's stomach. This divine intervention could be the ultimate aid to her path, as well as her doom if Byleth chose to side with the Church. She must have a word with her at once, away from the others.

When asked about how she plans to use this power, Byleth claims it will be for the people. _Ah…so there may be a chance_ . _It's reassuring_.

Still, this is her chance to push a little more, just to learn a thing or two.

"Tell me… If the world, and your students included, were to divide and go to war with each other, what would you do ?" It's risky but she needs to know, and to be clearer judging by the look of Byleth's blank stare. "In that scenario, each side would represent both the world and your students. Who would you-"

All of a sudden, her teacher falls before her. She's already lying on the ground before Edelgard could react. The Adrestian looks around in panic, searching for help although she's certain her classmates are already back at the entrance of the forest. All she can do is carry her teacher safely to the horses.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : canon-typical violence, blood, ptsd

**Pegasus Moon, 1181**

Once the awe before the Professor's enlightened form has subsided, the Academy returns to its usual rhythm. The next month begins…calmly, to say the least. Marianne would even go as far as to say that it's too monotonous. To think that a morose girl like her, who's afraid of the world, and herself, could find these uneventful times _boring_ is almost laughable.

Yet it's true. Byleth is busy accommodating to her new divine powers, something the Archbishop encourages considering she hasn't entrusted her class with a mission outside of the Monastery this time. In consequence, the amount of homework and duties assigned to the Black Eagles has decreased, leaving them lots of free time until the day of the revelation Byleth is said to receive. Lots of free time with nothing much to do.

Besides, Marianne also learned from Dorothea that Edelgard is secretly preparing for a trip to Enbarr soon. Only a few days to take care of official affairs, apparently. Still, it makes Marianne a little nervous to know that Byleth _and_ their house leader are leaving them on their own for an undetermined period. The Alliance mage supposes she'll use the time to pray in the cathedral. In the house of the Goddess, she'll also be spared from Ferdinand's attempts to proclaim himself new class leader in Edelgard and Hubert's absence.

"Ouch !" 

A high-pitched squeak snaps her out of her thoughts and a hint of a smile spreads over Marianne's lips. Speaking of the Goddess, she's lately been thanking her everyday for having Dorothea and Bernadetta by her side in these unsettling times. The latter is currently holding her left hand in front of her eyes to examine the small, single drop of blood on her fingertip. Marianne rises from her chair as soon as realization sinks in and jolts her from her two-second surge of gratitude.

"Oh Bernie, did you hurt yourself ? Let me see."

With reluctance, the archer puts down her needle and the cloth she's been sewing on the small table next to her. Marianne gently takes her hand in hers.

"It's not serious, but you should maybe show it to Professor Manuela to be s-"

"No! N-no I can't, that would be so embarrassing !" Bernadetta says in one breath, her eyes wide, almost begging Marianne not to force her to go to the infirmary. By now, her friend should know that she's the last person in Fódlan who would do such a thing.

"Okay, I understand. Stay still for a moment, please," she says and proceeds to cast a simple healing spell on the wound. 

"Thanks, Marianne.”

Once the skin is stitched together, Bernadetta lets out a wistful sigh. “I can't help being nervous when I think that we'll be graduating soon, you know… What am I going to do without you patching me up everytime I get hurt ?"

The topic makes Marianne's stomach squirms with nervousness too. A year ago, she would have given anything to go back to Edmund, to lock herself in her room with poems and books. To hide from the world for days, weeks, even months until everyone forgets about her existence.

Something caused this desire to recede, however. The reason for this change is unclear, and the moment it appeared even harder to determine, but Marianne knows it's what's holding her back now. She is not ready to leave the Academy yet, not in such circumstances.

"I doubt you will need my help after we graduate," she chuckles softly, "You will be an even more accomplished sniper by that time.”

At this rate, going home with unresolved feelings and doubts seems inevitable. Hoping otherwise would be delusional. But it doesn't mean that like Edelgard, her other friends should only reside in bittersweet memories buried in the depths of her mind.

Marianne's tone suddenly becomes more serious, and dark blue eyebrows furrow in worry, "We'll stay in touch, right ?" The insecurity of her own voice makes her cringe and she's unsurprisingly met with a confused look from the smaller girl.

Oh no. No no no…What possessed her to ask this to Bernadetta of all-

"O-of course. Reserved girls need to stick together." Although the answer is drowned in a nervous laugh, it calms Marianne's worries right away. Bernie wouldn't lie about that. And she didn’t laugh at her. 

Marianne answers with a relieved smile and promptly redirects Bernadetta's attention on the half-sewn cloth laying on the table. "I'll finish it for you," she says, and digs the needle in the fabric.

* * *

Despite being the epitome of formality and unwavering professionalism in the most critical situations, these past few days have proven much more difficult than anticipated. Being busy with plans and strategies all day is already exhausting, but pretending to be unaffected is just draining. No wonder she's this tired.

It's unnerving. Years of training to repress her emotions in order to prevent people from piercing through her defenses… And now it seems it was all for naught. Deep-down however, Edelgard knows it would have been near impossible without this strict conditioning. There is no need to be human for what she must accomplish, it could even jeopardize her plans. She's destined to be a distant herald, a beacon of hope, or perhaps a tyrant, it doesn't matter. Just a pathfinder, a symbol of revolution with no family, no ties, no feelings, no weaknesses. 

Unfortunately, a single forlorn look from a certain pair of brown eyes is enough to make her heart shatter in her chest. She rolls over in her bed to face the ceiling and sighs pensively. With Marianne, her emotions broke free from their chains on their very first meeting, fluttering everywhere like fast, insufferable little butterflies. Edelgard wishes she could just catch them and keep them locked in a jar.

It's too late for that now, she has no illusion of catching them in their flight. The only thing to do is to stop following their direction or to take another road when they least expect it. To outrun them so that they can't find her.

"Ughh _,_ " Edelgard growls and pulls the blanket over her face to muffle the sound. What a promising future ruler she makes, trying to trick her own feelings. The princess sinks even further under the covers at the thought, determined to hide for fear that someone might see her at this late hour, in her pitch-black and empty room, separated from the others by thick walls and a double-locked door. As if people could read the embarrassing, mortifying contents of her mind with one look.

 _How ? They don't even hear me screaming in my sleep when I have nightmares._ _Or_ _at least they pretend not to._

Thinking rationally is usually not enough to ease her doubts when she starts mulling over things. But her heavy eyelids are begging for sleep, and judging by the slower pace of her breathing, it's already useless to resist.

It takes mere seconds for Edelgard to drift away.

Something bites her. The strangled cry that escapes her is both out of pain and disgust. Edelgard brings her hand to her foot in reflex.

Strange, she has no shackles on her wrists today – or tonight. This place already makes it near impossible to keep one's sanity, so it's not for keeping track of time. In any case, she uses the lack of restraints to rub the already inflamed skin. Yet another wound.

The rat bites are nothing compared to everything they inject in her blood though, to the flesh they tear open with devilish grins and close with hideous scars. She must look like some sort of sewn up corpse. And she's still wondering why the rodents won't leave her alone.

A small orb of white light in a corner catches her attention. It hovers above the ground peacefully for a short while, then takes a human form before her hollow eyes.

What appears is a lady a few years older than her, on her knees, with cerulean hair and a warm smile. Except for the halo behind her, which must derive from Edelgard's delirious mind, everything about this person looks real and palpable. The girl holds her arms open and Edelgard does not wait for a vocal permission to step into this inviting embrace. Because somehow, she's certain that she knows this girl's name and that she can trust her. Plus, the shackles around her ankles have mysteriously disappeared too.

Buried against her chest, the forsaken little El listens to her soothing words and begins to cry. The lady is immaculate compared to her, but she holds her tight and places a hand behind her head. Instead of being repulsed by the amount of dried blood in her, she gently strokes the light brown strands and whispers with the softest of voices, "You can cry as much as you need."

So Edelgard weeps for her siblings, herself and the life she could have had. Her sobs are unrestrained and painful, but the arms secured around her have a relaxing power despite the chain compressing her neck. Around them, the light gradually fills the whole cell and Edelgard soon realizes they're not even in the dungeons anymore. They've reached a bright and entirely white place, appeasing rather than blinding. It reminds her of a cloud, even though it's been a long time since she'd seen one.

When her breathing has calmed down, Edelgard feels pleasantly dizzy. If only for a moment, this simple act of kindness protects her from unspeakable and she wishes she could stay in those arms forever.

She wakes up.

The last Hresvelg stares wide-eyed in the dark, a gasp trapped in her throat. The erratic heartbeat pounding in her ears subsits along with the sensation of disillusionment. Dreaming about her captivity always brings a feeling of hopelessness. The grief and guilt of having survived, sometimes the tears, are familiar, but imagining comfort and reassurance is unsettling. How can she picture something she never had after being freed from dungeons ? Laid against several pillows, her head turns instinctively to the right.

Edelgard wishes more than anything to be with her, and she could be, there's just a room between hers and Marianne's after all.

No. It would be more than impolite to knock on her door in the middle of the night. And for what, a hug ? A kiss on her forehead ? Some comforting words from someone she's abandoned ?

How pathetic and selfish. No, it's definitely out of the question.

Besides, she has to leave for Enbarr at dawn.

* * *

It is only on her way to the third floor that Marianne realizes she's never seen this part of the monastery. An uncomfortable impression of transgressing the rules arouses in her chest at the sight of the long and deserted hallways. But she has the right to be here. There's no reason to worry. She's just been invited to share a cup of tea, with the Archbishop in person.

There is no need to knock or to announce herself as the doors to her private chambers are already open for her. Lady Rhea is seated at a small table, waiting patiently for Marianne. The room is lavishly decorated, fit for the leader of the Church, she supposes. Upon noticing her, Rhea tilts her head to the side. The movement causes the many jewels of her crown to wiggle.

"Come, dear. Don't be nervous," she calls, and her usual benevolent voice relaxes Marianne as much as it makes her skin crawl.

Lady Rhea pours her a cup as soon as she sits. With tense muscles, Marianne watches the infusion flow out of the teapot.

"I hope you like Chamomile. I find it quite effective to calm nerves."

"Y-yes. Thank you, Lady Rhea." Once the cup placed before her, Marianne stares at its content to avoid Rhea's gaze.

"How are you doing, dear child ?"

"I am fine," Marianne murmurs the automatic answer timidly. She's not one to easily reveal what's weighing on her heart to her friends, let alone to the Archbishop of the Church of Seiros.

"Miss von Edmund, I haven't invited you here to scold you, but merely to offer you my congratulations. Since your first day here, you've frequented the cathedral more fervently than any other students. Praying, helping the priests with religious services, singing in the choir...," she halts to take a sip, then pursues slower, in a whisper filled with admiration, "Such devotion did not go unnoticed."

"Um thank you…" 

"Do not mistake my words for excessive praise, you truly are a symbol of faith for the Church. I wanted to offer you my personal thanks, as well as letting you know that a place beside the Goddess will always be granted to Her faithful servants. Unlike some young girls, who choose to turn away from Her. "

Flames suddenly start to dance in her green irises as she speaks. It's fury, deep unhinged fury and it feels so foreign on the older woman's expression. But in a flash, her eyes are back to normal, compassionate and somewhat emotionless. The honeyed smile accompanying them almost makes Marianne doubt the very real and frightening sight she just witnessed.

"You've been part of the Black Eagles house for several months now, correct ?"

"Yes." The reply is cautious, apprehensive. Marianne doesn't like where this is heading. Unfortunately, there's not even a single cookie she could nimble to hide her anxiety or occupy her mind. Rhea's teatime is… plain, to say the least. Well, it's not as if Marianne had expensive tastes, contrary to what Dorothea might say. Not really.

It's just that a certain sweet-toothed girl has accustomed her to have a myriad of different pastries with her tea. She shakes her head as discreetly as possible and lifts her cup to her lips. Now's not the time to think about that.

Rhea breathes a small sigh and joins her hands gracefully on the table. "Her Holiness sometimes places challenges on our path. The Adrestian Empire is indeed known for its many sinners."

The words nearly cause Marianne to choke on her infusion. _Is she talking about…girls who love girls ?_

"But _you_ have been raised in Edmund by a relative after the passing of your biological parents. I've heard they were nobles from the Alliance."

The mage nods. She's unsure of what her origin has to do with her…inclination, but she complies. The intensity of Rhea's stare makes Marianne wonder if the other is able to read minds. It looks like she's trying, at least.

"Surely the Empire's influence has not reached you yet. Even though I'm certain that your education and devotion have and will continue to protect you from this influence."

The older woman grabs her hand before she has time to process what she said. Rhea gives it a reassuring squeeze when the student's fingers tremble under hers.

"I sense great potential in you, Marianne, and I trust that you will be saved from corruption."

She swallows hard in response, relieved that Rhea still has faith in her but too uncomfortable to find something to say. Saved ? She probably shouldn't mention that not so long ago, it wasn't this kind of salvation she wished the Goddess would grant her.

Turning around, Rhea glances through the grand windows behind her. "The sun is already high in the sky. It's almost time for mass." Her voice is calm again, without even a hint of the passionate, and slightly ominous tone from before. "I'll be celebrating it myself today."

"Oh ?"

A gentle smile softens the Archbishop's face. "Yes. This month is special. I want everyone to commune with the Goddess and to deliver their gratitude to Her." As soon as she raises from her chair, and Marianne does the same. "Will you be there ?"

"Of course, I never miss the mass." Rhea smiles again, pleased with her answer. At the lack of additional words and after a small silence, Marianne awkwardly realizes it's time for her to leave. Some social cues are still tricky to read sometimes. She bows immediately and proceeds to go directly to the cathedral when Rhea addresses her one last time.

"Do not worry Marianne, stay on the Goddess' path and the Church will protect you from harm, and from yourself."

* * *

They're once again venturing under the Monastery. It's less sinister this time, but the vast chamber is bathed in an eerie greenish glow. The pillars towering several meters above their heads aren't more reassuring. It would be easy to get lost in a place like this, so it's a chance that Lady Rhea is guiding them into the Holy Mausoleum. Her expression is a little confusing though. She adorns such an eager and nervous look than Marianne wonders who is about to receive a revelation from the Goddess between Byleth and her. Then again, she is the Archbishop, she must have waited an eternity to witness this. Besides, if the professor's never been very expressive, she does seem a little more agitated.

Marianne cannot deny her own anticipation. The possibility to see a divine intervention with her own eyes is one more reason why she's glad to have been transferred to the Black Eagles house.

"Well ?" Rhea asks when the woman who's already been blessed by the Goddess sits on the throne. All eyes are on her, watching, waiting for a magical light to emanate from Byleth or just any kind of sign.

The mood becomes heavier when the mercenary remains silent.

"It was supposed to be but a step away," Rhea's voice betrays her distress, her composure cracking bit by bit. "…What could possibly be missing ?"

For a split second there is no answer, no explanation until an oh so familiar voice rises.

"Stop right there !"

From this moment, everything unfolds before her as if Marianne wasn't even present. Her body is stuck in place, all limbs and senses paralyzed. There's so, so much red. It's everywhere. Crimson eclipses the greenish light, the pillars, the voices of her classmates… Only her voice has reached her ears and it resonates over and over again in her head.

_I am the Flame Emperor. I am the Flame Emperor. I am the Flame Emperor_

Which equates to _I am responsible for everything,_ from using Kronya as her agent, to Remire Village, even Jeralt's death. Goddess, why did it have to be _her_ of all people ?

It must be a nightmare. An absolutely wicked and masochistic twist of her imagination, but this can't be real.Except, the so-called Flame Emperor is now ordering her troops to kill them.

* * *

She runs to the end of the sanctuary to form a line of defense, there's no time to lose. Moreover, it will be easier to avoid her friends' gazes from there, even though they shouldn't struggle much. After almost a year she knows each of her classmate's strengths and techniques, her lackeys don't really stand a chance. But fighting them herself is out of the question. This tactical decision, although not her smartest, is instinctive. She doesn't have the courage to face them. 

Her determination doesn't waver, she sees the glorious future beyond this moment, the liberation, and the iron grip, perhaps even the loss of her humanity, necessary to achieve her objective. But Edelgard allows herself to be a coward for once. What matters now is marking the starting point of the revolution, and gathering as many crest stones as they can.

They're approaching faster than expected, however. The professor leads them through the Imperial army without much difficulty, even when surrouded by several demonic beasts. They're approaching from both flanks, and while Ferdinand is facing the sorcerer at Edelgard's right, Byleth begins to duel Metodey. It seems that a fight with her mentor is unavoidable.

Someone else stands before her instead.

"Maria-"

The blue-haired girl just shakes her head, as if Edelgard had lost the right to say her name. She's only a few meters away from her, immobile, ready to attack yet hesitant. Her usually gentle eyes pierce Edelgard like the most powerful dark spikes spell.

"I'll never give my trust to anyone ever again." She hears her say. Marianne doesn't yell, and Edelgard wishes she did because the words are numb, almost devoid of emotion despite the tears falling down the girl's cheeks.

“I am sorry, Marianne you wouldn’t have understood." It's the first stupid thing that goes through her mind, but she has no time nor guts to explain her reasons now.

There's quickly no one, soldiers and beasts alike, left in her army. The bones of the sword of the Creator dance before her, and despite the two crests still fueling her body with relentless energy, Edelgard knows she is vanquished.

A single blow brings her to her knees. Although humiliation gnaws at her, Edelgard keeps her head tall and proud. Like a valiant knight recognizing her defeat, she sends Byleth a look of humility and respect. A look that says 'I may have lost this fight, but I won't back down. I dedicate my life to this.'

They bring her to her feet and judging by Rhea's indignation, she's certain than the Archbishop would burn her alive if she could just turn into her draconic form without causing a scandal.

Her angry babble falls on deaf ears, though. The new Emperor remains confident and determined, focused only on the professor. Yet when Rhea gives the order, she begins to doubt. Byleth is a servant of the Church before being her teacher and friend.

However, she refuses to follow her command this time. Against all of her expectations, Byleth chooses to stand beside her and Edelgard swears she might weep with gratitude when she sees the rest of the Black Eagles immediately join her. Except one.

Glassy with hope and remorse, lilac eyes stare at the girl in a silent demand, they ask, beg Marianne to join them. The only person missing in this unhoped for turn of events just stares back at Edelgard, with utter disappointment etched on her pretty face. Even in her darkest moments, Marianne has never looked this hurt. What a cruel twist of fate, to have all her friends with her, only for the one she desires the most to look down on her.

The mage doesn't move, even when her classmates urge her to come. When Rhea confirms their suspicions and reveals her true nature, even the ghastly, scrawny face of the Immaculate one seems to be the lesser evil.

* * *

The following night, Edelgard still struggles to process everything. With Byleth and her skilled students on their side, the Imperial army will be unstoppable. Having her friends' support was unexpected but despite her independent and distant exterior, Edelgard knows herself : their presence will be inestimable in the months to come. 

She sits close to the fire and looks around the temporary camp, before lifting her gaze at the moon, as if looking for confirmation that it's indeed very late and that she should be in her tent, sleeping. Finding sleep is nearly impossible though, and not only for her it seems. Petra is shooting arrows after arrows in a wooden target while Caspar looks equally restless, plunged in an animated conversation with his uncle and Ladislava. The sight of Hubert and Ferdinand sharing a cup of tea, or perhaps coffee knowing her retainer, draws a surprised giggle from the Emperor. Troubled times really make people act strangely. 

Not far from her, she also notices Dorothea with an arm around Mercedes' shoulders, seemingly trying to comfort the healer. The songstress sends a small smile in Edelgard's direction and it actually lightens her heart for a while.

Everyone knows how distressed she is. She's constantly afraid for Marianne, wondering if she is safe, if she's feeling well, afraid, isolated, angry or even if she's just content with her choice. What troubles her the most though is not knowing what Rhea is truly capable of, what she might do to her. Although they still don't know much about her divine nature, and therefore Nabataean descent, this small part of information on the Archbishop is already not reassuring. She's learned not to trust monsters, slithering or flying ones. 

The sound of someone sitting next to her startles Edelgard from her introspection. It's not surprising to see that Bernadetta is not sleeping either. How could she ? She seems even more anxious and lost than usual, there's no doubt that Marianne's absence is affecting her as well.

The look she gives her mirrors her own expression, sadness mixed with compassion, and some sort of loss. And Edelgard would question the archer's sudden need for proximity if she didn't crave the silent understanding and companionship of someone who knows exactly what she's feeling.

* * *

Almost two weeks later, the Black Eagles Strike Force is deployed to take back Garreg Mach. Every member of the Church is present to defend it, fighting alongside Rhea and those of her kin. 

The Emperor slashes enemies after enemies with ease, fueled by adrenaline and the thrill of having the upper hand. Knowing that her allies are there to cover her, she scans the battlefield after each opponent. Her gaze searches for familiar blue braids through clouds of magical smoke, yet it only falls on the faces of former professors, sometimes former students. Gilbert, Catherine, Cyril, Seteth and Flayn too of course, but no Marianne. And what confuses Edelgard the most is that she doesn't know if she's more disappointment or relieved by that fact. To stop dwelling on her own emotions, she thinks about how difficult it must be for her friends to be there, half-expecting them to retreat before these familiar faces. But everyone fights with more tenacity than Edelgard could ever have wished for. 

They soon stand before Rhea, who eventually falls to her knees, defenseless against Byleth’s relic. Her cry of pain echoes through the monastery and vibrates against the walls. As a bright green light blinds their eyes and makes them step back, the walls themselves start to vibrate with the force of the Archbishop’s transformation. 

But her teacher visibly hasn’t noticed. They try to warn her, to beg her to run to safety, even Hubert is screaming at the top of his lungs, but to no avail. It is too late. The castle collapses, and the professor, as well as Edelgard’s hopes, disappear among the rubble. 

Despite the tears cascading down her cheeks, a bitter chuckle escapes Edelgard’s lips at her own absurdity and delusions of grandeur. Because it is only after losing both Marianne and Byleth that the Emperor realizes she will never succeed, nor survive, without them.


End file.
